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Is he really listening?

My ds is 10 yrs. old and lately I feel when I talk to him he zones out (at least that is what I notice) I'll ask him hey are you listening to me? He'll say yes mom I am listening so then I'll ask him what did I just say he'll barely repeat what I said and it pisses me off I mean what the heck. But when he wants something he is very demanding I told him not until he learns how to listen and his manners are so ugly and rude I tried and I tried to help him but I don't think he cares what I have to say oh but when his dad talks to him he walks the line but sometimes he does still do what he wants no matter what. Yes we did the take the privileges away thing it only works sometimes.
What can we do to help him to improve his behavior at all angles ?
Thanks Moms!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:05 AM on Apr. 14, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (10)
  • I swear it is the age. My son is doing it too. Sometimes we have to step back and realize maybe we are talking too much instead of just getting to the point. I am not sure. I am going through it myself :(
    jujubean1979200

    Answer by jujubean1979200 at 10:08 AM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • I think it's more of "You're a girl, you don't understand" maybe let Dad have these talks with him that need to be said and just stand by DH's side so that you too are part of the discussion and it's a united front
    zoejains_momma

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 10:08 AM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • I hear you.I feel your pain. I thought it was only my kid...I even thought maybe I've done something wrong to have raised such a rude kid.Where oh where had my sweet guy gone?
    Then I reached out to my friends..other mamas with kids his age.
    And you know what?
    As undesirable this behavior is..its actually normal among kids this age! I was shocked I was floored...surely.. I NEVER ACTED THIS WAY WHEN I WAS 10/11 haha...
    maybe I did? I don't remember.
    Just keep doing what your doing, have him repeat what you said when he seems like hes not listening.Stop talking mid sentence, say "FOCUS ON MY WORDS", or something like that to get his attention. I bet if you yelled"PLAYSTATION!!" before talking .... you'd have him at full alert! LOL
    Don't let it get the best of ya..I'm stilling waiting for this stage to pass myself, my son is 11.Oh the joys.....
    Good Luck mama! :)
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 10:11 AM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • I think it's the age honestly- If I remember right both of my kids were sorta like that when they were around that age. I had to remind them a lot of things, and they would get attitudes when I wanted something done...they are way better now. Hang in there
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 10:30 AM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • Keep instructions short and sweet. i could tell my son at that age....go to the dryer and take out the clothes and bring them here please.....he''d get to the dryer and yell "what do you want me to do with the dryer". They tune out AND they are expanding their own thinking. And to all the mommas above.....just wait til around 12 or 13 when the literally look AT you and roll their eyes :) It all passes as long as you stay consistant.
    brypmom

    Answer by brypmom at 10:32 AM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • I was having the same problem with my dd that will be 10 next month. I stopped nagging, yelling, reminding, and started letting her make her own choices(for the most part). However, with that comes living with the consequences of those choices. For example, I don't remind her to get ready for bed anymore, but if she is not ready on time, she doesn't get her 30 minutes of tv before bed. She messed around the first few nights and didn't get her tv time, but after that, she has made a point of it to get in bed on time, and even early once! Our relationship is so much better now and it is teaching her to be responsible for herself so I don't have to follow her around anymore. Try not to react with negative emotions, they just tune you out.
    soccer.mom

    Answer by soccer.mom at 3:41 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • It's the age. Also, when you need him to remember something or talk to him, make sure he is looking at you. I always tell kids that I need to see their eyes or to look at me. He is hearing more than you think, he is just busy being a kid. Here is an example. My son's teacher was complaining that he never listens to her when she talks (he looks like he is zoning). I told her to ASK him what she just said. She did that after one lecture. She said "Tyler, what did I just say?" He repeated what she had just said almost word for word. She NEVER assumed he wasn't listening again. I had a college instructor tell me I never listened to him because I skimmed the textbook as he lectured. I told him that I DO listen but having ADD, I need to be doing more than 1 thing at a time or I lose concentration on his lecture. I passed the class with an A, participated, etc so I obviously was listening.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:05 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • AHA! I have the answer for this one!

    You give him a note book and you ask him what a listening body looks like. He says I dunno...and you explain. Listening hands in your lap or at your side (not fiddling with anything) Listening eyes, on you. Listening feet on the floor. Listening body turned towards you.

    Now, you hand him a pencil and the notebook and he has to write out 10 times this listening body. Next time you talk to him, if he is not making eye contact, or doing the listening body, you go get the notebook and make him read it to you. If he fails again to do it, then he has to write it out 10 more times. He will eventually through this process become a very good listener!

    He is 10, he is pushing boundaries and testing you-as most 10 year olds do. So test him right back..hee hee. But seriously, good thing to keep at because it only gets harder, and you need to nip this right away now!
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 12:08 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • I agree I think it is the age my 9 year old does the same thing and we just keep doing what we are with taking away privileges and the like and he still does this but we are hoping that will our determination that it will pay off someday. Good luck Mom
    Christmaslver68

    Answer by Christmaslver68 at 6:41 AM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • well i seen on a parenting show whenever he wants something act the same way he does to you completely ignore him then when he wants to know why y0u are ignoring him after a few times of it explain then continue til he gets it and when hes ignoring get his attention again slap him upside the head or something not hard but to capture his attention
    flipper4u21

    Answer by flipper4u21 at 12:48 AM on Apr. 23, 2011

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