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Anybody been married to a narcissist?

After over 30 years of marriage, I just came to the realization (with a counselor's help) that my dh is a narcissist.

Does anyone have experience either leaving or staying with a narcissist?

Any books or links you recommend?

I have a 12-year old daughter and am concerned about his treatment of her and also about how I will survive financially without him.

Thanks mamas for any help you can give me!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:03 AM on Apr. 14, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Not married to, but in a relationship with. He'll probably blame everything on you if you end the relationship. You can't change him, so you either put up with it and stay or don't and leave.
    CraftingMama

    Answer by CraftingMama at 11:05 AM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • Get your ducks in a row? I'm sure you are very smart you can a job. You just need some training, do it before you leave.
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 11:10 AM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • I dated a couple - BRIEFLY!
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 11:12 AM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • The sociopath next door... I forget the author but you can probably google it. It has things about narcissism as well, very informative. Its a hard life to live and you will never be number one, he will always be above you and anyone else.

    amazinggrace83

    Answer by amazinggrace83 at 11:13 AM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • My x was a narcissist. I didn't know what it was back then. That was 30 yrs ago. I met a guy about five years ago and fell hard for him. I couldn't figure him out. One minute he was great and the next he was a controlling jerk. I began reading about Narcissists and realized he was the poster child for them. These guys will never change so if you can't deal with him then walk away but that won't be easy either. They tend to punish you for leaving them and try to make your life hell. I read lots of great books and online articles/newsletters about them and they all say if you have a chance get away from them as fast as you can! (not always easy) I have to take breaks from the guy I'm involved with. He just drains me emotionally but I really like the guy. Try amazon.com book section and type in Narcissist as the search word. All of the books there have turned out to be good. See if those titles are in your library to save money.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:16 AM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • Yes. My *ex* husband of 13 years. He moved out after my mother gave him a stern talking to. He was pissed that I didn't stick up for him. Why would I? She was right.

    1smartcookie

    Answer by 1smartcookie at 11:18 AM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • p.s. my x refused to give me child support for our three children so make plans to provide for yourself unless your court is good about making him pay. He figured if I couldn't take care of myself and the kids I'd have to go back to his controlling, abusive self. I was so glad to finally get away from him.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:18 AM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • Never been in a relationship with one or married to one, but my mom is one. Living with her was like being in a controlling relationship. Even now that I don't live with her, her narcissistic ways still get to me...she tries VERY hard to pull the same stuff she used to, but I don't have to take it now, because I live under my own roof. What a world of difference that made. One minute she is my best friend, the next, all hell breaks loose. It's always been like that, and will always be like that. I find ways to deal with it because she is my mother, if it was a boyfriend/husband, I would walk away and never look back. People like that are the worst to deal with. Sorry your going through that and best of luck!
    CollegeMommy121

    Answer by CollegeMommy121 at 11:20 AM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • Had a brief relationship with one.
    pookiekins34

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 11:22 AM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • My father is one. My ex husband is one also. I used to tell my therapist that when i was with him I sort of felt like he sucked the air out of the room and that I was a character that he just inserted into his own "tv show"....that I was expendable and when I was gone he would simply find someone else suitable to play the role (and he did). Ugh...I could rattle on about this topic for a long time but it would probably not translate the way I mean it too.
    Syphon

    Answer by Syphon at 11:23 AM on Apr. 14, 2011

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