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2 Bumps

Considering divorce

Of course, I'd like to avoid this but my husband is so contemptuous, even when he's not flat out yelling or belligerent, that I don't think I can tolerate it anymore. He barely speaks to me, hasn't had sex with me for over half our marriage--we've been married five years). I'm also starting to suspect that if and when he becomes unemployed, that is when he may divorce me, thinking he won't be obligated to as much, if any, spousal support. To anyone who has gone through this, what are things I must consder? He owns his own business and I think he may be keeping some assets hidden from me. Our children are ages 3 and 4.5, both girls. Another concern I have is that I'm being treated for Fibromyaglia and Chronic Fatigue and have doubt in my ability to financially support my kids. Because of this, can he take them away from me? If you can share the things you were surprised by, regret, benefit from, about your divorce experience, thank you!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:46 AM on Apr. 14, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • I left my furst husband because he was abusive and I decided that I was better then that. My biggest regrat was that I stayed so long with him. My biggest surprise was that even when he knew I wasn't coming back (when I left him I left the state we were living in) he still refused to sign the divorce papers. That took awhile (and well I bribed him too. Best $500.00 I EVER spent!!)

    Your husband may try to take the kids away from you, but because you are sick and can't work doesn't mean he can use that to take the kids away, plus if he's unemployed, he'll be in a similiar situtation. If you are serious about leaving him, I would talk to a lawyer before he does. Just my opinion
    MaryanneMac

    Answer by MaryanneMac at 11:52 AM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • Couples Counseling. If there is any shred of love left in this marriage..you need to get some outside help. Maybe he is under stress since he owns his own business. It's a hard time and he may not know how to talk to you about it w/o worrying you, or maybe he's afraid YOU will leave him if he looses his business so he doesn't want to tell you.

    Really talk it out before you get a divorce.
    MoonShadow3

    Answer by MoonShadow3 at 11:53 AM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • First off you should file for disability so that you CAN take care of yourself and your girls if you're faced with a divorce. My Sister has Fibromyalgia and she can't work, and that was her only option. Then you need to see an attorney if you're afraid he's going to threaten you with taking your girls and they will give you all the info you need to help you through this. GL Message me if you need anything.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 11:53 AM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • I'd file now and get it in the works. Your attorney will ask the court to compel him to show ALL assets. They are used to men trying to hide them. Get the spousal support and cs set now before he becomes unemployed. As for medical issues, check SSI for the Fibromyalgia. That way you have your own income and medical insurance. I just got diagnosed with Fibro yesterday. That's rough but my kids are grown so I don't have to still take care of children. My heart goes out to you but beat the old boy to the punch and file now
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:55 AM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • I have never been divorced but married to an attorney who did divorces for a while. If you think he is hiding assets , I would suggest finding out what is hidden first, so you can divulge this to your attorney. He can't take your kids away they are too young regardless of your illness, and will have to pay child support for them. No judge in their right mind will give custody to a dad with such young children. I suggest you get everything in order before you take that final step. Best of luck.
    older

    Answer by older at 11:56 AM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • Start digging through his records,, find anything you don't know about, also go get a lawyer to help you get SS benefits, they only get paid after you get your settlement,, I am so sorry but I think your right,, if you can find out if he has money hidden someplace, make copies and then off to the divorce lawyer, but I think he cannot take your children because you get disability,, hugs~
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 12:03 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • his business is just that he's an independent contractor, so it's not something that would be threatened by going under. I only wonder if he's hiding assets because it took him five years to even tell me how much he makes and he refuses to put my name on anything but our checking and won't allow me to have my own checking account. Of course, if I was employed, Id just open one. I also haven't worked in the US in 11 years and have no record to show my earning ability...will that affect dsability?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:08 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • My SIL had breast cancer during her seperation, and was a SAHM. He will mostly likely be required to keep you on his insurance for a certain amount of time. She also got alimony, and child support was calculated with her "potential" income being min wage.
    Candi1024

    Answer by Candi1024 at 12:08 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • Oh also, I tried to look through the records when he wasn't telling me how much he mkes, then one night he finally gave me a figure which was twice the amount I found on my own. So diging through records I don't think is enough for me. We've been to counseling with three different counselors and they all and even two Catholic priests told me I should lose the jerk.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:11 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • Well they do base disability on how much you earn, but you can still get it as long as you are a US citizen,, call a lawyer ASAP--it is going to take a bit to get it worked out, you can get disability even while your married,, honestly you had better find out where the money is! Don't you see your tax return? Trust me he has records somewhere,, and if he has his own business, tell him your going shopping and take the key and dig around his office!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 12:13 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

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