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2 Bumps

How can I keep a good relationship w/my daughter who lives 2hrs away?

My daughter is now 15 years old, and lives 2hrs away with her dad. I only get to see her when I take her to her dental visits, and maybe on some wknds, which is not very often. She does call me when she doesnt feel comfortable talking to her dad about some personal issues. Which makes feel good. But I know she harbors some bad feelings toward me. She did say one time, that I left her with her dad. So now I know something is going on with her emotions. Why she lives with her dad? Well, I moved away from the city, I pretty much live in the middle of no where. She still lives in the city, she goes to a good school, she's in honors classes, was recently in robotics club, and she and her dad with his wife, live in their own home. Me and my s/o still live in a apt. She would not have all what shes has right now, where I live.
I always thought she would live with me, I was raiesed by my grandmother. I do try to talk to her and tell her I care for her and im there for her whenever she needs me. I just don't want her to grow any further from me. What else can I do?

Answer Question
 
geraldine

Asked by geraldine at 12:31 PM on Apr. 14, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 4 (18 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • At 15 I would have given her the option of moving with me or staying with her father.
    EverydayMomma

    Answer by EverydayMomma at 12:33 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • Are you guys able to set up regular visiting time? At least once a week, of just you and her? Maybe you could go to a movie, or out to dinner, or get pedicures . . . .
    It is important that she have some one on one time with you because you are her mom . . .fun time, outside of dentist and doctor visits.
    It might also be important for you to open you door to her. Being with you may be more important than being in a house and staying at her school. It would be nice for her to know that is an option. . .
    Even if she doesn't accept your invitiations, she will always know that you asked, and that is important.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 12:35 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • I would suggest setting aside time each week where the two of you can hang out together, just the two of you. This will allow you and her to catch up on each other's lives and enjoy some time together to build your bond. I would also recommend writing her letters or you could also write in a journal to her and when you see her give her the journal and allow her to write you back. So you are sending the journal back and forth with each visit. What about quick 30 minute phone call every night?
    I left my family about two years ago, moved into an apartment by myself and at the time felt my children were better off staying with their father. I moved an hour away, I worried just like you are so I made it a point to call them, to write to them to go pick them up, anything to make sure I was present in their life. I'm home now and my boys and I have a very strong relationship.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 2:02 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • First, you did leave her with her dad. You did. So you need to just apologise for that.
    Then I'd use Skype to stay in contact as well as sending her letters and little gifts. Also FB friend her. And then I'd make a monthly date to visit her in the city.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 2:54 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • Im sorry, I really dont want to sound harsh, however thats not a good enough reason in my eyes to just up and leave. I am not trying to make you feel bad, but I just dont think its ok. I could see if something horrible was going on and you had no choice, but from what you just wrote...I believe you may have had a choice. Of course she is going to be upset. I would be if I were here. All you can do at this point is try your hardest, because she is still young...and its your job as her mother to do what ever you can do. You need her to see you more often, even if you have to go to her. You need to make it happen,or she might resent you in the long run. She shouldnt have to put in all the effort, you need to meet her half way. No matter what, she is still your daughter even if she doesnt live with you and its your job to make sure she is happy and loved.
    bellamommyof4

    Answer by bellamommyof4 at 5:22 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • talk to her as much as she will let you and try to go and see her
    mommyof3-2008

    Answer by mommyof3-2008 at 12:13 PM on May. 20, 2011

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