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I need help!!! adult content

So today I took my 3 year old and my infant baby to the park. We were there for an hour and I told her after she was done on the swing it was time to go. The baby was starting to fuss and it was lunch time. So she says to me a few minutes late mommy I'm done swinging. i said ok now it's time to go home. We need to get some lunch and maybe we can come back after we are done eating. She threw herself on the ground and I calmly got down to her level and said if you act this way we will not come back. She started screaming and crying so I picked her up and she scratched me in the neck and face and called me a bitch and an asshole then told me to shut up. I grabbed her hand and my other daughter and we walked right out. Once we hit the parking lot she started screaming as loud as she could. I just calmly walked her to the car put her in the carset then put the baby in the car. I told her we are never going to the park again and now she is in her room for the rest of the day. i was completly embarrassed when this was all going on. Did I handle the situation correctly and what can I do in the future to prevent this from happening. When I look at her right now all I see is red. I look like I got into a fight with all the scratches I have on my face and neck. I just feel like I am the biggest failure when it comes to being her mother. What do I do????

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:15 PM on Apr. 14, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (9)
  • It sounds like you handled it well. Just a few tips.
    1. Dont make promises you cant keep. I wouldnt say "We are never doing this again" because in truth you will probably go to a park again eventually. I think it is better to say "We arent coming back for a month" or "We wont come back here until we discuss this and you apologize" because those are more realistic statements.
    2. Dont blame yourself. You did the right thing staying calm and setting consequences. Spanking or yelling would have made it all worse.
    3. Have a serious talk. I do it with my 2 1/2 year old even. They evade your questions at first, but you have to make them talk to you about it by not doing things they want until the issue at hand is resloved. Let her know how much she hurt and embarrassed you. Ask where she heard those words and explain that they hurt people and are bad. Small kids often dont understand emotions and cause and effect. Teach her.

    Answer by amber710 at 1:26 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • All in all. I know how you feel. It gets better as she learns empathy, you striking out back wouldnt have taught that like a calm discussion will. Good job keeping your cool.

    you rock



    Answer by amber710 at 1:28 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • I honestly don't know how I kept it cool. When I got home I took her shoes off and put her right to bed i did yell at her but I didn't spank her cause i felt that would just be wrong. I really wanted to though. She made me so mad all I kept thinking while walking through the parking lot was get in the car and drive home.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:40 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • I agree with Amber. I think you did a great job staying cool and addressing your daughter's behavior without making it worse with your own outburst no matter how hard it was to do so. Also, though, watch the use of the word "never." The difference between a threat and a real consequence is your ability to carry it through. Threats don't work. In fact, threats usually back fire because your child learns the bad part of what you're saying isn't going to happen. Further, you want to keep your consequences to thinks your daughter can comprehend. "Never" is bigger than she can get her arms around. "We will not go to the park until after Easter." is a more managable. It has a defined start and stop time that she can associate and connect with, as opposed to the more abstract "FOREVER!" which could get shrugged off with "yeah, whatever."

    Answer by ldmrmom at 2:13 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • I agree with the above mentioned advice -- but you also need to talk to her about the language she choose to use and inquire as to where she learned it? I would also point out to her that on top of being mean and disrespectful, she also physically hurt you and that will NOT BE tolerated. My DD hit me ONE TIME -- I reminded her of how she felt when another child hit her and she started crying ,"so sowwy Mommy." She has never done it again. I would also remind her, maybe later this week when it's really pretty outside -- of exactly WHY you guys are NOT going to the park today! G'luck!

    Answer by BaileysMom476 at 5:10 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • If my sons started throwin a tantrum like that at the park I would pull them up to my level, and tell them " If you keep this shit up I'm gonna skin your little ass in front of everyone in this park!" Then I would bring them home, and if they continued to throw a tantrum I would throw an ass whoopin, and a no toys or tv or anything for the rest of today and all day tomorrow. End of story. If one of my sons called me a bitch, they would have to deal with dad on that one..

    Answer by xmama_bellax at 5:15 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • Well, FIRST don't let her hear that language... She learned it somewhere. My own is 3 and the only "bad" words he knows are stupid and hate. Just sayin...

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:27 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • I think you did a great job, it is soooo embarassing and there are times that I want to snap.. it is very hard to stay calm in a situation like that!!! Talk to her about it.. name calling is not acceptable.

    Answer by VBM7287 at 9:10 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • We talked it over today after her punishment was over and she was so bad all day today. Trying to scratch the baby or telling me to shut up, but as soon as we got to my husband she was a little angel. I just don't know what to do to get her to listen to me. I do timeouts, I take toys away it just doesn't seem to work on her. I'm almost at the point where I just give up. I will say this though after she told me to shut up again when we got home she got soap in her mouth. I told her from now on that is what will happen when she says bad words. It worked for us before when she was in daycare and she would say those words.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:56 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

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