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2 Bumps

What would you do?

help me out here ladies, i have a almost 20 year old daughter (she will be 20 next wednesday) who out of the blue asked me if she can live with her 17 year old bf and his parents. mind you he is a junior in high school and she is in her first year of college. she is studying animation and hopes to move to california for further studies or job. i've always encouraged her to find her dream, i wanted more for my kids. I was married at 18 and pregnant and had another kid at 20 and never did anything really with my life. except of course work and be a mom. we've struggled, who doesn't, but like i told her i didn't want that for her. so as she is asking me this, i told her are you serious and she is like yeah, i ask what do the his parents say, oh they are okay with it. I"m like they are okay with it, how can that be. Who in their right mind would let their son or daughters bf or gf live with them. Its not like i'm kicking her out or she is being abused by me. i told her i would love for her to move out believe me, but she should live on her own, see how it is to be independent. I told her you don't even have a job, she is like well dad is getting me these jobs and i'm like well don't you think if your dad found out you wanted to live with your boyfriend he would strip that from you.

i also told her well if you move out i will not pay your tuition, i can give you the bill and either you can pay for it somehow or have your bf's parents pay for it, since they are so willing to let you live there, without having a job. same thing with her cell phone, i pay that, told her that will be gone. i told her its not like i don't want you out of my house, believe me i do, but i dont' want you living with your 17 year old high school who doesn't even have a job or a car and lives with his parents. i was so pissed, angry i couldn't look at her and didn't speak the whole ride home. we ride together from downtown to home on certain days. i didn't even eat dinner that's how upset i was.

ladies do you think i'm crazy, or would you be pissed that the boyfriends parents are agreeing to this. i know she 20 can't do anything about it, but i know if she goes and lives with them, her whole future will be put to the side for this kid. i wouldn't doubt it if she became pregnant and that was something i dread all the time. its like they want to make sure their son is happy and do all kinds of stuff for him. also i wanted to mention she didn't even go to prom last year because this idiot of a boyfriend got caught with a joint i the bathroom by a teacher. and since he got suspended he wasn't allowed to accompany her to her prom. so she didn't go. i had to return her dress, shoes and other stuff. i was livid when this happened. and she didn't want to go by herself either.

 
lucky35

Asked by lucky35 at 2:40 PM on Apr. 14, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 17 (4,458 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • My son 16 at the time went to his girlfriends house to hang out (with her parents there of course) advised me after picking him up mentioned the girls mom said he could spend the night. Needless to say the "relationship ended"

    You have advised your daughter correctly. Our job is to give them enough information or educate our children enough to make adult decisions with some common sense. She needs to way the pros and cons and seriously think about the outcome of her decisions. She really should not be dating a 17 yr old at 20. She should be focusing on college, carrier then a MAN not a boy.
    Mahaptra

    Answer by Mahaptra at 7:58 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • Two words JAIL BAIT. She needs to be told she cannot see him until he is 18. If she moves out, quit paying for everything. The boyfriends parents are being ridiculous. Stick to your guns Mom.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 2:43 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • I would have told her you are 20 years old a grown adult. You can do it if you want. But I will stop paying all your bills (like you said in your post). Sometimes you have to let your kids make their own choices and suffer the consequences later.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 2:49 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • Getting pregnant isn't the worst thing. Lets hope she doesn't go down with him if he gets caught with drugs. That will ruin her future for sure. I do agree with you tho. She honestly shouldn't even be with someone under age. Try to reason with her. Let her know you have her best interest at heart & you aren't saying & doing this to make her unhappy. You want her to be happy & you wish this guy was someone better that could make her happy. This guy isn't Mr. forever, he's Mr. right now. Wait until he goes to college, if he even makes it there. Watch, he will dump her in a heartbeat. Right now, she's older than him. His friends look up to him like hes a pimp. He's dating a girl in college.... I'm sure he brags all the time. Let her know what will happen if she gets caught with him and goes down for his drugs. Make her watch those prison shows. LOL It won't be fun & games then. Stick to your gun, Girl!! You're a good mom!
    loudnproud87

    Answer by loudnproud87 at 2:57 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • All you can do it express your opinion and try to get her to see your point.
    I would definitely terminate paying for anything if she moves in with her bf and his parents. I would also not allow her to take anything from your house exept her clothes. No tv, video game, computer. That all belongs to you, unless she purchased it with her own money.

    Show her examples of girls that have made the mistake before and how hard they have it now.

    GL.
    Dalimonster

    Answer by Dalimonster at 2:44 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • Well I'm not too much older than you're daughter, I'm 28. So I see both sides since I'm a parent too. But you've done something right, b/c she actually came to you and asked for permission! Good job :) Since she is 20, you cannot stop her but you already know that. From a 20 yo point of view if you take away those things she may just want to rebel . Have you personally talked to his parents? Maybe she's talking to you first?Bout getting preggo, she's going to have sex no matter where she lives. Sorry I don't have any advice.
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 2:46 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • Oh, except for your house :) No sex at your house, I should've said if she moves out on her own or with the bf :)
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 2:47 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • I do agree with the other women that she is an adult. I'm only 23 LOL so I can see exactly where your daughter is coming from especially bc I've been there, but the guy was older. He's now the father of my son & the biggest prick ever!
    loudnproud87

    Answer by loudnproud87 at 3:02 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

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