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Can someone PLEASE Give me advice? This is long but I need help,UGH! adult content

my family is a crazy one. i've posted about them on here before but what i need help on is my mothers side.
i come from a really large family. just on my mom's side i have 5 brothers and 2 sisters in which i am the oldest. my mother has lived her whole life on assistance. neither her or my step father are working. even though my step father has had the VA pay for 2 degrees. one in pharmasuticals. he gets jobs works for a week or so and then quits.
my one sister is mrdd and got pregnant when she was 13. she just turnned 18 last month. she came to me asking for help on what to do for her daughter. she wanted to give her up for adoption. my mother has my neice right now but it's not the best place for her either. my sister is living with her boyfriend and another couple in an apartment that has trash all over the floor and 6 inside cats. the couple is made up of a woman who has had her 3 children taken away and is a "recovering" alcohlic and has extreme anger issues. the man i know has issues just by looking at him.all the people there live on assistance as well. this is not a good place for my neice either. i took my sister down to job and family services so she could get assistance becuase she is still in school (she goes online) and there is no way she can work. no one will hire her. i helped her fill out an application and when it asked how offten are you late a week. she said 2 times because she only has to be somewhere 2 imes a week. i also took her to j and b because she wanted to talk to someone about adoption. my mother just told me that she has been telling her that she wants to sign custody over to her. my sister called 2 days ago to tell me my 16 yr old sister has been calling her and cussing her out. she also told me that she thinks she wants to get a job in a week and get an appartment and keep my neice. now i know that sounds like a fantastic idea and if my 16 yr old sister was in this situation it would work perfectly. but this is the 18 yr old that didn't even know what a fedral govermnet was or how to call a taxi. on top of all this the weird guy called my 16 yr old sister and told her she owed him an appology for calling his house and harrassing the people that lived there. my sister told him she would never say sry. and he told her he wouldn't take sry anyway he wanted to see her boobs.
now to make all this even more frustrating i don't even know if any of this is true. my mom and both my sisters are habitual liers. the only thing i know for sure is my sisters were/are fighting. and everyone wants me to fix there problems. my mom has to go the neighbors house to use the phone but they have intrnet. so the only time she calls/writes is when she wants to tell me some drama. she lives 5 mins from our house but the last time she was here was christmas eve because she was getting gifts. even then i had to go pick her and the whole fam up. she has wlaked here before because she couldn't get ahold of me but wanted to me to fix some problem.

i want to just back off but then there is my neice and the fact that my 18 yr old sister cannot take care of herself.

i stress out about this all day long and i'm just getting tired of it! i'm getting to where i just want them all to go away and i feel horrible about that.

so how do i fix this?


Asked by Anonymous at 2:44 PM on Apr. 14, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Haha! kk, I was gonna say the same thing! Run away. And don't look back! There is only so much you can do to help people. If they don't actually want to change, they won't. Some people just cannot function without any drama, and that totally sounds like your family. But you are different, and you are going to start having full on panic attacks if you don't separate yourself from them.
    Look, baby birds do not learn to fly unless they HAVE to. Your sister will not learn to take care of herself unless she has to. You are lucky, your grew up and matured IN SPITE of your up bringing. Your sisters have not. But, that is not your responsibility, and you are going to drive yourself, and your family (which would be those living UNDER your roof) insane.
    Distance yourself, my dear, before it's too late.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 4:57 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • WOW!!! not being funny... but trying to getta smile from you... * RUN FOR THE HILLS & LOCK THE DOORS*** caller ID .. DONT PICK THE PHONE UP.... dont answer emails. try this for a week. Take a break from the drama!!!. SEND MOM ( queen b) a message.... ears, transportation, home, computer on a weeks vaccation from drama and issues. Thanks!!!

    and stick to it!!!!.. seriously.. try it. ( and lets hope that the 16 & 18 yr old is on BC pills.... doesnt sound as though they need anymore to add to the stress you are going through)..also remember... even though YOU are the only levelheaded one out of the bunch... doesnt mean its your responsibility to take care of any responsibilities but your home and DD. GL momma

    Answer by kkbird at 3:14 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • Whew, a bit confusing..but I'll give it a shot. Sounds like you really care for your sister and little neice, is letting her live with you an option?

    Answer by yesmaam at 2:52 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • sry i know it is and i deal with it all the time. we are not finacially able to do that and i won't bring the drama that will come with to my home because of my child. plus i love my siter but we just get along well enough to spend everyday together.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:56 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • Thank you kkbird....I'd love to try that but I don't know if I would be able to do it and stick with it. But it sounds lovely!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:28 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • You have to set some rules and boundaries for your own sanity. There is nothing you can do to save them all. There doesn't sound to be a way to even save your neice unless you are willing to adopt, which you've said isn't a possibility. Would your niece be better off in foster care? Definitely tough choices. Hope things start working out for all of you.

    Answer by meooma at 3:49 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • It's so hard but you have to cut them off! All of them! You have to learn to set boundaries. You are not responsible for them. If you can't do it for you, do it for your kid! I didn't talk to my family for ten years. They thought I was dead. I took that time to seek counseling and be myself without thier drama. Now I have a great relationship with them all, but I leave thier problems at thier doorstep! You can love them from a distance. If you keep helping than you are enabling. That makes you just as guilty and dramatic as the rest of them. Move on to a better place while you still can!

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 7:29 PM on Apr. 14, 2011