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How do you talk about sex to a 12 yr old who has ADHD/BiPolar and "doesn't get it"?

My son is super smart and into girls somewhat. I am scared that he will make the wrong choices (lack of impulse control) because he is always trying to fit in. I have been through hell raising him and cannot bear to think of someone's daughter or myself or her family going through what I have gone through if he brings a child into the world at such a young age. What you you say? How would you say it?

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:22 PM on Dec. 1, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (9)
  • how would you say what?

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:24 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • Repeatedly have the conversation with him. Only a little of the message may sink in the first time, second time, third time... but sooner or later he should get it. Use movies, people, etc.. to illustrate the birds & bees concept. Whether he understands the outcomes of his actions he may still choose to do the deed.... but atleast you'll have done your part. I mean, heck - teens w/o impulse control issues (atleast not on the level of your child's) do it...

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:32 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • I would start with talking to him about what he knows. See if he knows anything about sex at all. I know for me we started with the biology of things. We talked about eggs and sperm and I used napkins pieces as visuals. Then I let my son ask questions and I only answered what he wanted to know.

    I would check with him every once in a while to see where he is at with everything. I would also explain that you would prefer he wait and not give into his friends. I understand that this may be difficult, but I think if you keep talking to him he will understand.

    Good Luck

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 7:46 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • He's not stupid, he just has ADHD and bipolar. I bet he gets it, he just doesn't want you to think he does.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:01 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • I also have a 12 1/2 yr old (almost 13) with ADHD and youre right they do make life hell!! I showed my son some pictures of nasty venereal diseases and told him that you dont want to do it because you never know if the girl is carrying this disease and if you do get in a position where you think you might end up doing something you had better use a condom. It freaked him out and now he says there is no way he will have sex without a condom.

    Answer by argcwg at 2:41 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • i think the second poster is right, just constanly drum it into his head. my ten yr old has ADHD and just doesn't "get it" most of the time. just have the same talk you would have with a "normal" kid, but more frequently. it will eventually sink in all the way

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 7:42 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • maybe try to open it up by taking him some place he enjoys.. butter him up... then let him direct you. ask him what he wants to know or is confused about.. this is why we need sex ed in schools, we had it in 5th grade, we hated it, were motified but all understand the cause and effect of it.

    Answer by AmaliaD at 11:58 AM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • You know about juvenile bipolar onset and the symptoms of hyper sexuality I am sure. So as a responsible parent you do what you must to protect your minor child and other minor children. If this were my son and I knew he was hypersexual/manic or has the capability of making poor choices due to his disorder - I would tell the girl's parents. It would be responsible for you to educate any teen girl's parent he is dating about his disorder so they can get a better idea. Not to be disrespectful and you don't need to go into detail. But in a respectful way that is responsible parenting. I would also have his therapist and doctor talk to him about sex if he won't listen to you. This way they can provide real information and how it pertains to his disorder. Seeing a therapist for yourself, how it is a different set of challenges with BP/ADHD teen, so you can get the support you deserve.

    Answer by frogdawg at 4:58 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • Uhm, if your kid is supervised, which he should be at all times at this age.....what's the rush to drill it into his head? A 12 year old should not be alone with another kid that age anyway. I agree he needs to be educated, but if he isn't ready to listen, keep him supervised .

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:57 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

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