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My boyfriend is selfish. I need some advice please.

We just had a baby in February. We have been together for 2 1/2 years and moved in together about a year and a half ago. Anyways I wasn't getting much help from him with the baby. I would always have to ask him to watch the baby if I had to do something. He always gave me some time limit. So we were getting in a lot of arguments about him not helping. He has two other children (7 and 9 yrs old) from a previous relationship. So they were with us on the weekends. I didn't want to continue fighting in front of the kids, so I took the baby and went to stay with my mom (that's where we are now). He has been to visit him a total of 3 times in the past month. Every time I ask him if he wants come see the baby he always says he is doing homework, mowing the lawn, needs sleep etc. I just don't understand why he doesn't miss his baby. It seems like he doesn't really care that we are not at home. I don't know what to do anymore. I am disgusted at how he is acting. Any advice?

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Kelli1012

Asked by Kelli1012 at 6:24 PM on Apr. 14, 2011 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,591 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I wouldn't give him the option let him come to you.
    ajmcheath

    Answer by ajmcheath at 6:27 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • I wouldn't bother trying anymore, he should be making an effort and he clearly is not. Just stop contact and see what he does.
    JenzAmomOf2

    Answer by JenzAmomOf2 at 6:28 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • Something's wrong here.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 6:29 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • You can't make him change or make him want to see the baby, it's something he has to want to do. Sounds like he is a jerk and you should just leave it alone and maybe he will see that he is missing out on his child's life. Good luck.

    amazinggrace83

    Answer by amazinggrace83 at 6:35 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • He will show when he is ready, if not you will know. Just start living your life and see what happens, atleast then you will a life whether he chooses to be a part of it or not.
    I know this seem harsh and I realize you are hurting right now & for that I am truly sorry but, you have to do what is for you & your baby.
    Graciesmom528

    Answer by Graciesmom528 at 6:37 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • Stop worrying about why he isnt doing what he should be, and just do what you know you should be. Be a good mom, live your life and try and find some happiness. Obviously he is not into you or the baby if its been a month and hes only seen the baby 3 times. Some guys are that way. My ex walked away from his 3 oldest and I raised them.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 6:41 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • He clearly isn't interested in continuing this relationship with you and his third child. He isn't going to change anytime soon. You need to decide how much of your life you are going to waste with him. You should make a life for you and your child and forgot about trying to get him to change.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 6:42 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • i would ignore him for a while hes being a total ass whole just be thankful yourfamily is ther for you he doesnt deserve you or the baby i would go to the court for full custody because it doesnt sound like he cares
    kylansmommy09

    Answer by kylansmommy09 at 6:43 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • go to a lawyer and file for child support ASAP,, thank goodness you have a place to call home, but honestly sweetie you and your baby deserve someone who will treat you great,,,, I wouldn't call him again, and be sure to document his negligence, so you don't have to leave the baby with him for long periods of time,, chin, up,,Good luck and hugs!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 6:47 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • It seems he has a pattern of relationship problems and avoiding responsibility. I think the progress of your relationship was a bit rushed and having kids with him while he has other kids puts more responsibility on his plate when he can't even handle what he already had. Moving in together added to the problem. I wouldn't have high expectations from him but focus on what you need to do to care for the baby and yourself. Continue to stay with family and it's probably a blessing in disguise that you haven't married yet. It's messier when you're married. If it doesn't work out, at least make sure he pays child support. You can't make anyone man up or change but you CAN control what you do. Make smart decisions, don't make repeat mistakes and don't beat yourself up. You have done what is within your control. It's up to him to get his life together. Stay strong and know you did the right thing for you and your baby.
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 12:36 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

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