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How do I deal with my step daughters mother throwing baby fits?

My step daughter asked me to participate in a school activity and her mother was upset when she found out. Although there were 2 spots to be filled and I gracefully left the one open on her normal day off of work and took the other day, she threw a baby fit and told her daughter that I do not need to be involved and that she (the mother) can do both days.
I think she misses the point that her daughter WANTED me to participate in 1 of the days. I am sick and tired of her insecurities about another woman being a part of her daughters life, having an affect on the relationship with my step-daughter that we have worked very hard together on, to build. How do I deal with this with out blowing up in her face (which is really what she wants me to do)

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:55 PM on Apr. 14, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (6)
  • I am a stepmom to 3 kids and I am very lucky that their mom and I have found peace. I have 2 DDs that are her kids half siblings. Currently now we are both not with the kids dad. In the beginning her and I would compete with each other, she wouldnt allow me to do things with her kids (even though I was with their dad for 7 1/2 years). She literally would go out of her way to make me miserable and get a rise out of me. As soon as I stopped responding and giving in and trying to top her, her antics stopped. Believe it or not her and I have become best friends and are extremely close now. We have gotten along for 5yrs now.

    She isnt going to change and it seems like she wants to be the only woman in her kids lives and she cant control that aspect. I would just sit back and be the bigger person as hard as that is to do at times.
    dolphingoddess

    Answer by dolphingoddess at 9:43 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • Thank you for your reply. It is good advice. I am still trying to digest her most recent tantrum. For the better part of dealings, we get along just fine, especially when I am accommodating her needs/schedule. I have been with my step daughters father for 3+ years now and it seems like everything is fine for a period of time, until her daughter shows a specific interest in including me in her life
    (aside from me taking her to soccer practice and picking up from school and keeping her when my better half is at work and her mother has better plans)
    Its simply frustrating to the point that I want to scream in her face, yet I know logically that is not the correct or adult way to deal with things. I think I need to vent more than anything. I appreciate that my fiance' backs me up and agrees with my side of things, yet I still have the lingering desire for a realistic solution. Ugh...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:18 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • One of her daughters was really attached to me when she was younger (she is 15 now) and use to make her mother and I Mothers Day cards or gifts. Her mom flipped saying I wasnt her mother. I had numerous talks with her telling her that I understand that she is their mother and under no circumstances am I trying to take her place. It seemed to help as well.

    Currently my kids dad isnt in their life, but I would welcome someone he were seriously dating if she were really good with my kids, I would love the extra help and know that they also have someone else they can turn to and help with homework, etc.
    dolphingoddess

    Answer by dolphingoddess at 1:50 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • Ask your step daughter. How does she handle her mother? Im sure she has had to deal with her drama before. It could be one more thing for you guys to bond over! Im sure her mom would love that! LMAO!
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 2:00 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • I think that's sad. I know it's difficult to allow other people into your child's life, but it's not to the benefit of the child to behave that way. Are you able to have a calm conversation with her expressing that to her, and letting her know you are not there to replace her, only to support and love her daughter?
    MeandMyBabes

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 3:20 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • Kill her with kindness. Just keep doing what your doing...which is being a good parent
    JLang

    Answer by JLang at 2:48 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

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