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3 Bumps

Dh and I are debating about one of my "friends"

I started hanging out with this girl in HS, our families have known eachother forever, so we were kinda forced to hang out for awhile. We got into a really bad accident together and she glued herself to me after that. Well our senior year of hs she got pregnant (on purpose) and got married. She had a FULL ride scholar ship to ANY school in the state and decided to stay local, then flunked out and ended up going to a 2 year school and having to pay for it. In the meantime she had two more kids (three kids in 4 years). I had a partial scholarship and moved away for college. And she is ALWAYS trying to make me feel bad because I am in a better situation than she is. Even when we were in HS, I worked full time and had money to go do things I wanted, and she would make little comments like "wow it must be nice to be able to go do.... I don't know what that's like" I have NEVER bragged to her anything, I have NEVER rubbed it in her face. I worked and bought a nice car and she went on and on about how awful her car was and how much trouble she was having and how it must be sooo nice to be just be able to go buy a car. Right now she is living with her sons and worthless husband who won't work in a dinky trailor and came over one day trying to make me feel bad about our three bedroom RENTAL house. I am just sick of dealing with her. I shouldn't be made to feel bad because I didn't screw up like she did. She always tries to ask for money, and dropping hints about she needs money for this and that. One time she asked my parents for 3,000$!! Then came to me trying to guilt me into giving her some money. I'm sorry, I went to college and worked for my job. Dh works 60 hours a week for his paychecks. I have tried to help her in the past, but her husband just blows everything and I refuse to give them money so he can go blow it. They got almost 10,000$ back in their taxes last year and a month later got evitced out of their apartment. But Dh says that I should talk to her and hang out with her. I really don't want too. Like I said, I don't want to be made to feel bad just because I've worked hard for what I have. EVERYTIME I talk to her all she does is complain about how hard her life is, and yet she refuses to do anything to make it better for herself. Would you still hang out with her?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:02 PM on Apr. 14, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Do you have something against using paragraphs..lmao??
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:05 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • I would stop her mid-complaint and tell her how her whining makes you feel. If you are a true friend then you need to be totally honest with her. Chances are, she will make the decision to leave you alone.
    ElenaC419

    Answer by ElenaC419 at 9:07 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • Maybe! :P
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:07 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • I would be too annoyed to want to spend time with her. I have known people like that and it is hard to deal with them. I am where I am in life because I busted my ass and I wont be made to feel bad because of it. If they don't like their life then change it!! I feel the same as you.
    worriedmommy600

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 9:08 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • I would stop her mid-complaint and tell her how her whining makes you feel. If you are a true friend then you need to be totally honest with her. Chances are, she will make the decision to leave you alone.

    I have tried that... She just got really mad at me and went on again trying to make me feel bad because I don't ahve the problems she does. *Apparently it's myfault she married and asshole and I didn't...* But if she was a true friend would she try to make me feel bad for working hard?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:09 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • No, I probably would not. Sometimes we outgrow friends. I choose to be around people mostly who are positive and pleasant to be with. Life is hard enough without hanging around people that drag you down/
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 9:10 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • I would say you and your friend need to sit down and talk this out, you have been friends forever, so I think you should be able to be open and honest about your feelings, explain how you feel and that you have worked hard for what you have and you are sick of her comments. If your friendship is strong it should with stand you speaking your mind.

    "Its the choices we make not the chances we take that determine our destiny!!" We all have choices, she made hers and you made yours, do not feel bad about what you have made for yourself.
    Princess_s21

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 9:13 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • You know what just become busy,,,too busy to talk to busy to visit,, I feel bad for her, but honestly there isn't anything you can do to improve her stiuation,, and it sounds like a one way relationship,,now if she leaves the bum, tries to make a fresh start well then maybe another go wouldn't hurt,, just distance,, look how much life she has sucked out of you just by writing the story,, I bet you felt drained after you wrote it.
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 9:21 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • sometimes just being there for a person means just listening to whatever crap they may want to say ... that is if you consider yourself her "friend". But if you don't feel like you are not, then don't feel obligated or responsible. She sounds like she just needs to vent her frustrations in life and she might be thinking you're that friend she needed to do that.
    filmom2ethan

    Answer by filmom2ethan at 9:23 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • Its a drain isn't it? I had a friend like that and one day out of the blue I called her and said "im so upset but don't want to talk about IT can we just get together and talk about ANYTHING other than house, kids, and hubbys?" We (well I) quickly discovered we had NOTHING to say. A discussion about a TV showed turned into "you have a nice home like that show...." I said "no no talk about home life...." She only calls about once or twice a year now. I really don't miss her :)
    brypmom

    Answer by brypmom at 9:35 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

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