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In shock! adult content

Hello, I am a mother of 2 girls -12 and 8. I am in a very sad state of mind right now and feel like i have no one I can talk to. I can not tell my husband at this time bc I know his reaction. He is not violent but he can yell and yell and just push us away. Here it goes :

My daugher Kaila is starting to become the typical tween to teen with attitude, ignoring us and only wants to pay attention to her texting. She is now in 6th grade and I cant say her friends are the greatest since its all about boys and who has boyfriend. Kaila feels very insecure bc she is 5'8 with a size 10 shoe and just feels out of place while all the other girls are small and cute with boyfriends. My husband and I have talked many a talks with her. Dont think they are wrking. i have also talked openenly about sex never knowing what to expect. I did feel she was smart enough to make good judments.

She does well in school and since her classes where A/P classes, her grandfather got her a lap top. I put parental controls of course and she used it to play lots of games, write a paper or two and listen to music. She knew that I could take the laptop anytime to just ck out what she is in. Never anything bad but to my surprise yesterday she went to a website about "lezbo" . I went far back in history and it was only this once. Regardless, I took it away and asked her what it was and she insisted she didnt look at anything. Next day, I went in to look at the website and sure enough, it was what I thought- porn. She got home and asked her again and she denied it but I reminded her was that there is nothing worse then loosing anyones trust and especially ours and if she was going to honestly stand there and lie then she had to expect what was coming. She did admit to it and I lost it. I know if I did that as a young kid my mom would have beat me. I didnt do that. I told her I was so very disappointed and never could have imagined that she could ever do that and the evil it portrays. She didnt say a word as she heard my words. I told her she would be grounded completely from any activites from school, friends, phones, ipods and computers. She didnt react -maybe bc she was embarrased. She will not be able to ever close her door and where ever I go she goes.

I am so lost and feel like the worst mother for not guiding my daughter. She has shocked me with her actions. I have not said anything to my husband. He would go balistic. If I keep this between she and I , then thats not teaching her a good thing either. I am so lost. Anyone want to help out on this one?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:46 PM on Apr. 14, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (11)
  • That's a tough one. I feel for you. Not really sure how to help...don't tell Dad. Maybe talk to her more about it when the shock wears off...
    mkdirector2011

    Answer by mkdirector2011 at 11:52 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • I think that you are way over reacting. Curiosity is natural. It is how you handle this that will truly guide her. You are pushing her away and teaching her shame. I am not saying that it is ok for her to be looking at but you need to talk to her rather than shame her. Let her know that you understand curiosity but it is not appropriate. If you disapprove for religious reasons than provide her scripture and reason for why it is wrong. Do not push her away and punish her so harshly.
    Melbornj

    Answer by Melbornj at 11:54 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • i totally agree with melbornj, i think you over reacted. she is curious, you cant say you werent when you were that age, just times were different then, there were no computer or anything like that. back then it was boys stealing dads dirty magazines now they just go to a computer and look it up. does that make it right? well no...but they are curious

    but i think making her feel horrible isnt going to help the situation at all and if anything it is going to make her more curious wondering what it is you dont want her to see.
    MamaSusieQ045

    Answer by MamaSusieQ045 at 12:01 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • When you calm down i would suggest speaking with her again. Tell her you love her and want her to be careful about what is portrayed on the internet. I know this is a lesbian porn site, but it doesn't mean she is, but she is curious. I sympathize as my 12 year old son went to a site and it was the most disgusting objectification of the female figure I've ever seen. Waaay worse than Playboy, not even in the same league. I'm no expert, tho. I saw it in the history and freaked a bit initially, but then told him as a female I found it was insulting and that even though he's curious and that's normal, the info on the internet is degrading to women and none of them look like that. It is unrealistic, and after a while of looking at that stuff, nothing else will seem to compare. I offered to get him a book with pictures if he wanted to see the female anatomy. He didn't bite at that, but he never went to any sites after that chat.
    dflygirl7

    Answer by dflygirl7 at 1:04 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • I don't think u did that bad I would be pissed off and she won't even see the light of day Haha
    enaNianza

    Answer by enaNianza at 1:51 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • My question is, if there are parental controls on it, how was she able to access that site? Sounds like your controls suck or was able to change the settings.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:05 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • I think you over reacted too, but I also think 12 is too young to have private access to a computer. We didn't allow our boys to have their own computers until they were much older. There was a family computer in my office/sewing room, and that was the only computer they had access to...more because of stranger safety than anything else.

    That being said. kids are curious, and whether they have computers, or find magazines, or whatever else, they will find sexual material. You might want to calmly tell her that this isn't the way you'd like her to learn about sex. Sex should be something private and special between two people who love each other, and that until she's old enough for the responsibility that she'll have to make her own decision when she's an adult about these materials, but that you don't feel their appropriate, and don't want them in your home. Computer....out of her room.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 2:29 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • I agree with those that say you are overeacting. Kids her age will be curious. Making her a prisoner in her own home is just going to make her rebel even more. Have a talk with her about respecting herself and that those sites are inappropriate for her. There is no need to take the laptop, just get better parental controls.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:55 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • You can't blow up if you want a good line of communication. Maybe cool down and take a walk and talk instead of yelling so she could come to you when she needs to talk. Believe me I blow up and sometimes shes afraid to talk to me.
    preciouschild

    Answer by preciouschild at 6:37 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • Thats tough and good luck
    christinahenry

    Answer by christinahenry at 1:48 AM on Apr. 19, 2011

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