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3 Bumps

Just Need To Vent...

So last night I found out my SO has been contacting some girl off of craigslist ( so disgusting ) and sending pictures over his cellphone...I found this out not by spying but because his phone kept going off and I looked to see what was going on. I woke up him and confronted him..at first he denied it and kept saying he didn't know what I was talking about until I showed him the emails. Than the blame game started...He told me he wanted to get caught because he wanted my attention..WTH are we 5?! I work a full time job and raise our child and he works morning shift so the time we have together is limited and I try my best to make time for him. Than he brought up the things I've done ( yes im not perfect ive made mistakes when we first got together 5 years ago I was young and dumb ). After a few hours of one minute telling me it isnt my fault than telling me if I had given him more attention/sex he wouldn't of looked for it somewhere else..I dont know what to do because Im scared..Im scared to be by myself but Im also scared of what this is going to do to our son ( even though hes too little to understand any of this ) He has this way of getting into my head and making me believe that I didn't do enough even tho in my heart I know I've done enough to try and work things out and be the best girlfriend and mother I can be. We've been through so much crap since we've been together and I've about walked away so many times and because I love him I give him chance after chance..Now he wants another one, telling me he loves me and wants to keep his family together and he knows he made a mistake..but I've heard it so many times that I don't even know if he understands what love means and how to care about someone. He wants to go to counciling and everytime I tell him Im done and I cant do it anymore he throws everything I've ever done in my face and telling me he forgave me and Its a double standard. I just don't know what to do...Ive become so depedant on him for everything and I think he understands that he has that power over me and Im afraid if I stand up for myself and move on that he'll do something. I need advice really bad and no judgement please!!!!

Answer Question
 
krisholl2285

Asked by krisholl2285 at 12:58 AM on Apr. 15, 2011 in Relationships

Level 7 (160 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I'm a firm believer that its better to grow up with a happy single mom than with mom and dad fighting. If you want to leave him the worst thing you can do is stay for your son. Is there any truth to what he said, have you been ignoring the relationship. do you still love him? Those are all things I would think about before I left though.
    lovinlifewith5

    Answer by lovinlifewith5 at 1:09 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • I think you know more than you realize. Reread your post to yourself. You recognize a lot of things in that post. You've given him so many chances, he has a way of getting away w/things and messing w/your mind (can u trust someone like this??), it's a pattern of behavior, he denies it's true then admits he was straying (is that BS or what?), and this is just for the one phone call you noticed. How many more phone calls/emails have you not caught? Every red flag has been raised and now you have to move out of the questioning yourself phase to the This Was Your Last Chance Now Time to Get the F* Out phase. Stand up for yourself. There is no arguing about what happened b/c your eyes don't lie and your heart knows he's dishonest. You know how he is, now it's time to act by separating and showing him enough is enough. You are stronger than you know. You can have stress-free life w/out him. If not for you, then for your child.
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 1:11 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • group hug

    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 1:13 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • Imagine what kinds of STDs he might have passed onto you if you hadn't found out. This is your health we're talking about! Anyone who doesn't care about my health gets kicked to the curb in my book. Imagine also what kind of police activity he might be tangled up in if the craigslist people were underage. Do you really want this kind of drama in your life? The best way to get over someone old is to find someone new, and you will find someone better.
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 1:19 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • hugs hang in there and do what is best for you and your little one

    wowguildmomma

    Answer by wowguildmomma at 1:23 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • Sounds like he has you a little comfussed. Get your head straight. If you know you have done all you can in this relationship and he is doing things he shouldn't. Then move out/leave him.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:10 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • Two words come to mind... Manipulative asshole. You can keep going round the merry go round or you can get off. Don't let him make you feel bad. Don't let him bring up problems from the past. This relationship has lasted 5 years, and it sounds like they've been 5 miserable years. Quit playing the blame game. Who cares who hurt who. The point is this relationship allways adds up to someone being hurt... Go honey. You can make it on your own. Do you want your son to treat women this way?
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 8:38 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • Now that it's out in the open you both can work on things. It can be ok now. Just keep communicating and make time for the two of you
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:15 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • Seek counseling if you still want it to work, otherewise get out of the relationship.
    Jerzymom

    Answer by Jerzymom at 11:22 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • Just my opinion but counseling will only help him until he does it again. Putting blame on you is not a form of being ready heal himself. You said you were young (5 yrs ago) well, you may have been young then but you are 5 yrs older & wiser now. I say move forward with your life, without him & don't be afraid to ask for help from people when you need it. Good luck Momma!!
    since_3.18.93

    Answer by since_3.18.93 at 12:04 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

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