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Sex offenders, marriage and children

My boyfriend is being investigated for molesting his 8 year old daughter. I believe, as well as a bunch of other people, in his complete and utter innocence. The mother of his daughter is extremely fearful of him gaining custody of her and will do anything to prevent this from happening.

My question is can he be convicted on simply the daughter saying that he did it? even if its a lie and shes been "brainwashed" by her mother and grandmother? When and if hes released from prison can he live with my children that are not biologically his..and IF we have more children can he live with them? I'm been digging and its frustrating because I just keep getting conflicted answers. Can we even get married?


Asked by Anonymous at 1:16 AM on Apr. 15, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • I'm a mom and I'm also someone who was sexually abused as a kid, and we did go through the courts, etc. I don't know how old your step daughter is, but I do know that when they talk to her, Mom won't be there. Sadly, there are a LOT of kids who are sexually molested. But at the same time, there is also a LOT of people who are accused of this with divorce / custody cases. The investigators are going to take that into consideration, too, while they investigate.

    As far as convictions, living with you and your kids, etc goes, it's going to depend on where you live, what, exactly, he's convicted of (there's various levels of abuse and sentencing), terms of his release when he gets out, age of your kids, etc.

    I don't know if he did it or not, but either way good luck to you, your kids, and especially your step daughter - either way, sounds like she needs some help :-(

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 7:35 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • The laws are different in every state, but you could lose your children if he's convicted, and you allowed a convicted child molester to live in your home (his conviction is all they need).

    Answer by ohwrite at 1:29 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • Been there. My ex husband swore he was innocent also - he lied! That's what pedophiles do. You CAN absolutely lose your own children - why would you risk that? Love? I loved my ex too at one point. Is what you feel for him worth loosing your children over or just as bad having him hurt one of them? Hard questions I know, but this man who swore he was innocent did end up molesting MY DAUGHTER!!! My children were taken from me on charges of "failure to protect". I got them back after the "investigation" proved I didn't know and therefore didn't know there was anything to protect against. But it didn't matter, irreparable damage as done. And, while he was in prison he finally admitted to having molested 11 other little girls! Uh-uh, you do what you want and good luck to you, but I can't understand why you'd even want to stay - sorry!

    Answer by raynestar at 6:19 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • He's being investigated... But has he been CHARGED? Is this something that his ex does a lot? If so, and it's proven false, then he can ask for a restraining order for harrassment.

    Now, as far as if he is charged, no he cannot live with children after his release. If you allow it, they could take YOUR children from you.

    Do you all have ANY proof that he didn't? Does the BM have any proof that he did? Is your SD CONSISTENT with her story? Can you all ask that she be spoken to WITHOUT BM present (so that SD feels free to state the truth)?

    Answer by laird6372 at 1:40 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • How could they have proof that he didn't? Someone must provide proof that he did..............I don't know laws and have never been in any situation like this, but I can't imagine that someone would be able to provide proof that they DIDN'T do something unless there were a specific date in question in which the defendant was not even present.

    Answer by BridgetC140 at 2:02 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • If he has not been convicted yet I would talk to an lawyer and see what can be done should it go any further than questions. You should request that the little girl be questioned about everything by a licensed psychologist that specializes in child abuse/molestation with a social worker or judge present that has no invested interest in the matter. Of course should he be convicted with or without proof if you let him back into your life you could lose your children andas a mother I know that would be devestating to you. If my fiance were ever to be convicted of that I find it to be in the best interest of my child to leave. But all you can do is ask a lawyer and go from there they are the best authority on legal issues such as this.

    Answer by Mandy_yanna13 at 3:13 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • Just the thought he might have would send me packing my kids up and leaving him. For the safty of my kids. He might be inocent, but then he might be lieing too. My kids come first.

    Answer by louise2 at 6:31 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • They will question the girl. But if she is consistent and with details yes he can be convicted. And no they won't allow him to live with any children or have contact with children. My SIL is going through this right now. My brother is in jail for molesting his daughter. He'll never see his kids again. I have no idea if he's guilty or not. But no matter what he'll never see his kids again. And cps would go after the mother if she allowed it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:30 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • No he has not been charged. He's going to the police station to be questioned on Monday.

    The Mother is a HEAVY drug addict..from heroin, cocaine and marijuana. Her mother tried taking custody away from my boyfriend a while ago but dropped the case when her attorney told her that he would win. Over the last few years shes been back and forth about letting him see their daughter and now recently when hes gaining custody of his other son shes now decided to pull this.

    I haven't seen or talked to SD about it. I don't think anyone has. Like I said he hasn't even seen his daughter in over a month or even spoken to her. We weren't completely sure exactly what is being said. But I do not believe my boyfriend to do anything like this to a child. I know him and alot of other people can agree with me in his character. He'd rather die then hurt his children.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:03 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • We've been researching it and talking to a few attorneys and its going to be extremely difficult to prove his innocence just because juries are dispositioned to believe that a child never lies. We really have to focus on discrediting the mother. and see weather his daughter is consistent with her story and force the courts to have her evaluated by a child psychologist. They can only the ones who recognize signs of abuse.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:06 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

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