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Should my sons bio father sign his rights over

My sons father hasnt seen him in a year and before that he only seen him when it was convenient for him. He is now married and expecting another child. He calls me 2 or 3 times a day asking to sign his rights over because hes tired of paying child support. I only want whats best for my son. Im also married and my husband would love to adopt my son but were both just really unsure what affect all this will have on the child. He is what is important. Part of me feels if he feels that way let him he dont deserve my kid. Then a part of me feels he made this child if he doesnt want to be in his life thats fine but if nothing else financially he should be responsible. You dont go around having kids and not taking care of them...with that being said I also feel like if my current husband whos been the primary dad since he was a year old does all the daddy stuff school sports sickness why not let him adopt our child and give my child a chance to have a real family....Theres just so many opinions and honestly we just dont want our child hurt or damaged in any way...so Im screaming for help!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:04 AM on Apr. 15, 2011 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • If he wants to sign over his rights, let him. It'd be better for your child to have a father who wants to be involved (your DH) than one who doesn't.
    laird6372

    Answer by laird6372 at 9:21 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • Id do it. My best friend recently did it with a similar situation only her dds bio dad refused to give up his rights. Her dd did not know the man and he was not her dad, her dh was. The judge granted it and everyone is much happier. That whole stress of dealing with biodad, child support etc is gone and her dd doesnt know the difference. They do plan to tell her when she is older, and they wont withhold the name and info of her biodad if she chooses to look him up, but for now, she is loving her childhood with a kind and loving father, and my friend is not having to go to court every few months for child support.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 9:08 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • The only difference is my sons bio dad has seen my son enough for my son to know who his dad is to know where he comes from. However my son never ask about him. Id talk to my son about it but hes six i dont think he is old enough to understand or process any of this. My son has made comments about how he wished he had our (mine and my husbands) last name. But you just never know whats going on inside a kids head. Ive had people tell me too regardless good or bad a kid loves their parent unconditionally. But then again I think my son looks at his step father as his dad. ugh just so confusing . I just want my son happy. I also feel like no matter what regardless of a real parent or a step parent as long as you love you the child abundantly kids cope.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:15 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • Been there done that got that t-shirt. Honey my daughters bio dad tried selling my daughter to my husband for 200.00. Talk about sick, and when it came time to pay child support he would get a job until they found him and he would quit and move. he did this 7 times. I took him to court and the state took his rights and let my husband adopt her. He was still court ordered to pay back and still has not in 6 years. Last year they caught him at his job and he screamed she is not mine. Stupid he took a dna test for court...lol. Mind u he was around till she was 1 then did stupid stuff and got put in jail. She knows nothing of him and he still threatens to take her. The adoption was the best thing i ever did. Put ur child in the hands of someone that cares about him and his well being.
    ladyjwitt

    Answer by ladyjwitt at 9:17 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • Well I have 3 older kids and their dad never came around, and I wish I had allowed him to give up his rights. They are all grown now and he comes around from time to time and messes with their heads and hearts. I am of two schools of thought. One yes if you have a loving stable person to adopt you should do it. Or if you dont then be prepared and allow your son to go through the good, bad and ugly with his dad when he is grown. We can never replace their bio parents, but we have to be the parent and do what is best for them.

    The other thought is allow him to grow up and figure it out on his own. My kids did this. They dont exactly have a warm fuzzy relationship with him. In fact he recently remarried and never introduced the kids to her, and does more for her kids then he ever did for them. But they have learned on their own what a shithead he is.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 9:19 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • if you can afford to lose the child support I'd do it. He seems pretty worthless anyway other than for the money.
    angelachristine

    Answer by angelachristine at 9:21 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • I think if your son is telling you that he wished he had the same last name as you and your DH then he really knows what he wants. My oldest sons father signed his rights away when my son was 2. I understand that my son was young at the time and didn't know the difference although he is 14 now and he knows and he still doesn't want to have anything to do with his bio father. He has known about his bio father since he was 10 and he knows how he is and even talks to him. They have a relationship although his bio father will never be his father or his dad. So I would talk to your son again and explain things in a way he can understand, he is smarter than you think. If he really wants this then I would just let it happen. I mean if you don't need the child support and your son doesn't see his biofather then I would just do it.

    Good Luck!
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 9:24 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • Do any of your kids have a lot of built up anger?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:39 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • Im gona fill everyone in on the whole story...Bio father and i split when our son was 10 months old. He would come around every other weekend unless he had something to do...From time to time on his weekends id pop up at his house and catch things i didnt like random girls and guys spending the night drugs drinking and every time i gave chance after chance after chance...hed bring him home nasty with diapers full of poop to the point his butt would be raw. later on bio father found a girl i actually like things did a 360 which tells me it was all her. they split and bio father meets new girl who is now wife. things went back down. she drank and smoked around our child. drank and drove with my child and asked my son who at the time was 4 if he wanted some wine. would keep him out till 2 in the morning at the bowling ally. I just finally put my foot down and said he couldnt see him anymore. never fought me on it.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:47 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • when i told bio dad about her offering him wine his dads answer to that was our son is F-ing lying. He was 4 i hardly believe he could make that up...in the process of all this the girl friend is constantly posting things on facebook about it and me and basically antagonizing the whole situation like its a game. I told bio dad he could see our son alone he did once. I guess she put her foot down on that. 4 months of not seeing our son she pops up pregnant and they get married and he all of a sudden wants to sign his rights over. and now for the last 9 months i get my phone and my work phone blown up with wheres my paper work .... so tech its my decision hes walked away but based on his choices. Do you still think its best...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:51 AM on Apr. 15, 2011

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