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Should I tell him I can't take it anymore?

My hubby is the best in every aspect, except sex and porn. I guess I wouldn't care if he looks at that stuff if didn't hide it and it’s not affecting our sex life, but it is! Since I got pregnant, and then even after my baby was born (4 months old now), he doesn't seem to want to make love to me. I saw some sites he went to that he also masturbates to and started crying and I told him if he wasn't happy with me, maybe we should divorce. He says that probably 100% of guys watch porn, and he still really loves me, but somehow doesn't feel as if he wants to have sex with me ever since the pregnancy. After that, I thought he would stop, but he STILL does it and deletes the history. He lies about what he has done when I just ask what he has been doing on his morning off. Continued..

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:52 PM on Dec. 1, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • My opinion is that two things happened. One your hubby probably was uncomfortable with the whole pregnancy and birth process. This happens to lots of men. Watching a woman give birth and watching her pregnant is not only stressful for men but also changes their perspective of women from a sexual function to a utilarian function. This is normal, the problem probably came when he started looking at porn to supplement and then developed an addiction. Not 100% of men look at porn. And besides that isnt the point. If you are uncomfortable with him looking at porn and he loves you then he should give it up no questions asked. If he is unable to do that he has an addiction.
    NightOwlMama

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 1:08 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • CONTINUED..

    I cry so hard because my body is nothing like when he met me, and I have stretch marks covering my whole body, so of course I can not compare to those girls he looks at and gets off to but he says it's different and he really loves me. I do know that he loves me because he is such a great husband, provider, father, and it’s just woman’s instincts, you know? But I'm just so tired of feeling hurt and crying over this. Please tell me what I should do!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:52 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • well it is like i told my hubbie if you are not happy with what you have at home then you don't have a home. i know it hurts but that kind of shit bothers me too. so do what you got to do if he has to get on the internet to get horny to have sex with you then he is not worth it
    jodi205

    Answer by jodi205 at 8:55 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • This is HIS issue and has nothing to do with you or your body or the baby. It sounds like he's addicted to porn. Treat it as an addiction and not a rejection of you. Don't make any major decisions right now. You are still hormonal from the birth. Tell him to cut the porn out. It's the only way to get released from an addiction.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:55 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • I'm sorry that you are so unhappy. Have you told him that you are worried that he isn't sexually attracted to you anymore? If you are not having private times with him often enough, and he says he loves you, ask him why. Suggest that the private moments he has with porn may be hindering your time. He sounds like a wonderful husband otherwise, and it would be a shame to lose or leave him. At least talk with a minister or counselor.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:56 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • OP here..

    What is the true meaning of PORN ADDICTION?? What if he doesn't do it every day??
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:59 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • 100% of men do NOT do this. My hubby never looks at porn. I agree with other posters, maybe he's aquired himself a nice little porn addiction. Get into counseling, this could lead to worse things.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 9:08 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • Well, atleast ya'll are talking about it. I will tell you to continue talking about it... and the lies. Try to take the emotion out of the discussion... but let him know firmly that you are hurt by this behavior. It's a choice he's making to hurt you. It's really as simple as that. Not every guy does it... and that's what all men say who get caught. I can assure you that my father who worked basically until he fell asleep every day didn't have time get off on porn. Seriously - what did they do before computers and dirty mags/movies?! Get real... Anyway - give him serious consequences for his actions and the fact that he's been doing things behind your back. It's erosive to a relationship...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:11 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • 100% of men do NOT look at porn. My husband has before, usuallly because one of his sicko friends would call him up and say "oh man, you gotta check this sh*t out" (usually its really sick stuff like with animals or wine bottles, etc, he would try to tell me about it and I would start gagging). So like the man he is, he'll look it up. We have been together for 16 years, I would say it has happened less than 15 times in all those years. Now my best friends husband looks at it several times a day and he tries telling her the same thing, ALL men look at porn. I assure you that they don't.
    slw123

    Answer by slw123 at 9:13 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • My husband doesn't, he has no interest in it. I've seen pictures of his ex-girlfriends, and I am not as tall, or even close to being as thin before my pregnancy as they were, but yet, he fell for me. He may have Porn Creep which is where he can't get off w/o porn. You should keep letting him know how you feel and keep asking him why he loves you. After a while though, if he keeps doing it, and lieing about it, and makes excuses as to why he can't, well, you can always check out marriage counseling, to see if you both can become close again, but if he won't go for it, or niether of you can find another way to become close again, then you might want to talk about another thing. He sounds like a good guy, so just have the talk about it. Let him know how it makes you feel when he looks at porn, lies about it, and how you feel like your both aren't as close anymore and I'm sure he'll find away to try and patch things up.
    Momma_Neko

    Answer by Momma_Neko at 11:05 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

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