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4 Bumps

DH said something that made me feel TERRIBLE =(

Okay...I'm not the most affectionate person in the world, I'm not real cuddly, I don't need to be all up under DH at all times...don't get me wrong I LOVE being near him and I love it when he's here...I just dont always have to be touching him lol

Anyways last night DH told me that sometimes it feels like I don't even LIKE him!!!!! I was blown over! I asked him what could possibly make him feel that way...I mean I know that I'm not as touchy/feely as he is but I honestly thought that I made it obvious in my every other action that I absolutly adore him! He said because it feels like I never want to be around him, and how he feels like I don't like him touching me...the last thing in the WORLD I want to do is make my husband feel like I don't LIKE him!!! Like I don't want to be around him! Him and my children are my WORLD....I tried to tell him all this but I was in tears and I don't think I was able to really make my point clear lol....

I don't know what to do....he's just alot more affectionate then me...and honestly..sometimes all his...needing to be around me at all times can be a little irritating...what do I do???? How do I make him understand that I ADORE him without having to change my whole entire personality?

PLEASE NO BASHING....I already feel terrible.


Asked by Lucky209 at 12:04 PM on Apr. 15, 2011 in Relationships

Level 28 (35,060 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • I think you need to read THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES by Gary Chapman. It was meant for people like you and your husband. The bottom line is that you have to be willing to speak his language(touching) in order for him to feel loved. Very seldom do a husband and wife have the same natural love language, so we have to be willing to learn to speak that which does not come natural to us. The book is fairly inexpensive, probably less than $10, and it will be worth every penny you spend on it.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:09 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • if you get really emotional when you try to tell him, then write him a letter about how you feel. and perhaps you could try every now and then to be a little more "touchy feely"

    Answer by febmom007 at 12:07 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • You and your husband sound just like me and my husband, except we're opposite. I LOVE attention and love giving him affection anyway I can, and of course, he would rather just be in my presence and NOT be touching me. We had dealt with this SAME issue. I still sometimes have a hard time dealing with it my husband goes ALL day before giving me a hug or a kiss. What makes me feel good about our relationship is when he makes it an effort to hug or kiss me the second he gets home from work. Maybe could try this with your husband..affection is a huge deal to those who need it! When he gets home from work, try making it an effort to give him a hug and kiss and talk about your days together a little bit. It might help him feel a little more connected with you...

    Answer by MichaelsMom330 at 12:08 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • I just went through this recently with my DH. He told me that it "seems like you just like knowing I'm here and having someone to talk to, but you never seem to want me to touch you." I'm not a cuddly or sexual person at all. After he told me that I decided to try an make an effort since I love him and want everything to work out. I tried showing more affection. And you know what? I actually realized that I'm a lot more into it than I thought I was.

    I would just keep trying. I hope it all works out for you both <3

    Answer by amberdawnbarr at 12:47 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • I"m not touchy feely either. I always tell people that and tell them not to take it personally. However, if my man wants to touch me I deal with it. Men can be ultra sensitive so I compromise with him.

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:10 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • Maybe make it a point a few times a day to hug and kiss him. Do you really think making an effort to do that is going to hurt? If it means making the man you married feel better I say give it a try. You don't have to fall all over him, or be up under him all day, but "showing" him that you love him would be good for both of you. Take small steps, and the more affectionate you are, the more you'll want to be..

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 12:12 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • While I agree with most of what has been said, you making all the change will not work. You BOTH have to meet in the middle.

    When you married, I am sure that you were exactly like you are now. He didn't seem to have a problem with it then.

    While you should make an effort to be more physical towards him, he needs to understand that it is not natural to you in the first place. He will need to start paying attention and recognize how you do show love and appreciate that.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 12:23 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • Maybe start hugging him when he comes home,, I am really touchy feely, and I know this,, so have gotten better about "feeling rejected" I would just try to make more of an effort, and I love the letter suggestion!

    Answer by kimigogo at 12:17 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • I have two copies of The Five Love Languages and could send you one if you wanted :)

    Answer by MichaelsMom330 at 12:43 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • Oh god, I really hope no one bashes you, there's no need!! Your whole thing is EXACTLY like my SO and I, only I'm the one who loves/craves affection, so I know what its like to feel like the other person just doesn't want to be around you- even though I know he loves me. We had talks about it, and he started doing other things to show he cares about me- since even though he'd try to be more affectionate, eventually he'd go back to not doing anything. Write your dh random notes expressing your love for him- and just leave it by the comp or something...or do something else random, like buying his favorite candy or something-- he'll realize you DO love him, you just don't show it w/ affection. Good luck!

    Answer by lexi8622 at 2:30 PM on Apr. 15, 2011