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How do I accept that I'm not gonna have my man's first child?

I'm dating a guy who has two kids with two different women. They were both serious relationships but didn't work out. The only thing that really bothers me about it is that I won't be his first. I think the first child a man holds is so special and important. Also he has one boy and one girl so I feel like I won't be his first for anything. I won't be the first woman who he holds her hand while giving birth, or kisses her forehead when it's over. I might be making a big deal out of nothing, but it's the way I feel. If I can't get over this, then I will have to end the relationship but I really love him.

Answer Question

Asked by lynnsey13 at 2:48 PM on Apr. 15, 2011 in Relationships

Level 5 (96 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Keep in mind that it's the first child that he will have with you. Something that no one else can do for him. You are giving him this gift.

    Many women feel that they won't love their second child as much as the first. YOu may just be experiencing a twist on that. Believe me, he will feel that it's special all on it's own.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 2:51 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • hmm im sorry momma.. that sux im not sure how to get over that one.. if he has two kids with two dif. women is he really all that great??? i def dont mean that to be rude just curious.. i think the most important thing is you and YOUR baby it will be your first experience it it is truley AMAZING!!! and look at the bright side he will know everything thats going on and be able to help more!!! GL mommy

    Answer by kylansmommy09 at 2:53 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • if i was you i would love all of that, the fact only that you will have his first child is really amazing cause it could have been someone else

    Answer by Chunky_Dynamic at 2:53 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • It's your first child, and his first with you, that should account for a whole lot!!! Looking back, I don't think my father loved me ANY less than my bro/sis from a different woman. Actually, being the "baby" was kinda cool!!! Relax and enjoy your love girl!!!

    Answer by Dahis at 2:54 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • I think that because he is in a relationship with YOU and is choosing to also do those things with you makes it special. My husband had 4 kids from previous relationships when we met, he had 2 boys and 2 girls, so my son and daughter that we had were not his first. But it was "our" first together, that is what made it special to him, to us. I am his wife the only time he was married so that was also special. But you just have to not think of it that way, being the first or not does not lessen its importance or specialness. I hope I helped... GL

    Answer by Bubbie0809 at 2:58 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • Other than not dating a man that already has children.....remember that for the right man - ALL children that he helps create are important and special to him and if you don't think this is that kind of man - move on.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 2:59 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • If you feel this way I guess you shouldn't have gotten involved with a man who has children

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 3:10 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • I'm with you, mommy of two...if she's pouting over this, how is she going to make the existing children feel on down the road? Sorry, OP, not trying to be rude here, just looking at it from a step-child's perspective (and one I've walked through). I think you should postpone having children for a very long while.

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 4:57 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

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