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Bio dad

My dd is 11, When she told me that she wanted to find her bio-dad that she hasn't seen since she was a baby, I supported her fully and even helped her find him. She left a message on his fb as well as other relitives that hes related to. One of his relatives told me that he said that shes not his and he doesn't want anything to to with her. I was upset to hear that as well as I didn't want to tell my dd that so I did nothing and just waited. Well today he left me a message on fb wanting to meet his little girl. Now I'm scared. Yes this is what she wants but whats our first step, ect. As well as He left her a message on her fb, should I check it first or trust him that its pg. The only reason that I know the message is from him is because she also asked him to be her friend and he excepted. I was shocked. Now what do I do!!!

 
Kimberly71682

Asked by Kimberly71682 at 3:13 PM on Apr. 15, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 17 (3,993 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • Honestly - I would meet with him first and establish some rules or guidelines, check him out before thrusting your little girl into a situation she is not emotionally ready to handle. My daughter has not seen her bio dad since she was 18 mos old (because he is a ass) and I always told her when she was a little older and more emotionally ready to handle whatever we find I would help her. She's 18 now and has no desire to meet him. Just protect your little girl. If you are not sure she is his then I would have a DNA test before they ever even meet. If you ARE sure and it is him that is the idiot then ask him if HE wants a DNA test before they meet. Explain to him that this is a big decision and if he is in her life - then he will agree to be in her life regularly. Tell him how it will scar her if he doesn't live up this. TREAD CAREFULLY MAMA - Protect your baby - she is at a fragile age.
    8Tinkerboo8

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 3:17 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • I would have a talk with her first saying that while she wants to meet him, he may not feel the same way. Prepare her for the worst and hope for the best is about all you can do. Read all communication together and go from there.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 3:15 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • I would talk to him and set up the guidelines and tell him exactly what you said here, she wanted to look for him, you did not search him out. Let him know you will monitor any get togethers since he is a relative stranger to her right now, and if things go well you can take it one step at a time. I would sit down with dd and tell her the same thing. Yes read the FB message because you need to know what his stand point is right now. The last thing you want is him using this time to say oh your mom is a bitch or she kept you from me. You dont want to start with drama, or lies.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 3:20 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • what is a 11 yr old doing with a facebook page?
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 3:23 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • I agree. She should build a relationship with him..... but who knows, he might turn out to be the same disappointment he was to you. Or better, he could have matured.

    Definately tell the cousin or who ever said that to you to stick it... YOU weren't the one who was looking for him.
    And ask her after she reads the message if you can read it too and that you are glad he responded.
    kkbird

    Answer by kkbird at 3:25 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • I know she is his, and he told me that he never said she wasn't his. Now I do want to read the message, He also has two other dd and one on the way. He was 15 when she was born but now he wants to be a dad to her, I'm just scared that he might hurt her like he did me when I was pg and he left and said he was too young to be a dad. His girls are 2 and 4.
    Kimberly71682

    Comment by Kimberly71682 (original poster) at 3:25 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

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