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Will letting him fuss when he wants me to do it mess up his development.

My son will be 3 on july 11. he refuses to undress himself...for a little while if i took his arms out of the shirt he would pull over his head himself but now he wont even do that...he will cry and say mommy do it. I just am worried...I had the developmentalist look at him and they did say he was behind. but they wanted to see how he will do over the summer. If i just leave him be and not help him will it "hurt" him psychologically? he is just not wanting to be independent at all...I think he is too dependent upon me and I dont want it to hinder his development. thank you all for any suggestions :)

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8firsttimemom8

Asked by 8firsttimemom8 at 8:38 PM on Apr. 15, 2011 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 4 (50 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • You should tell him that you'll tell all his friends that he's a baby and doesn't know how to dress himself, and that if he doesn't do it he will start to stink and no one will want to play with him. You gotta tell him that all the big boys do it. That's what I will do with my sons. My mom embarrassed the life out of me and my siblings when we tried shit like that. There was no "maybe they're underdeveloped"..there was "if you don't do it yourself like a big kid you're gonna stink and I'm gonna whoop your butt!"
    xmama_bellax

    Answer by xmama_bellax at 8:55 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • although its good for them to be independent I do feel it will hurt him psychologically or in anyway just don't do everything for him .. tell him you need his help make him feel like you can't do it without him, once he sees he can do it he won't ask for so much help. don't use verbal abuse by telling him his friends will think he is a baby that could hurt him emotionally.. this is what works on my four year old I just tell her " mom needs you help I can't do it without you" also if I tell her princess do it that works too.. give high fives, hugs, and praises "what a big boy" when he does what you want they love that..
    maiahlynn

    Answer by maiahlynn at 9:04 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • No, it's not going to hurt him psychologically for you to say to him you're a big boy, do it yourself. Did your mom do everything for you when you whined? No. I know this for fact because you are a grown adult who can dress and undress herself, and you don't seem to have any psychological hang ups about it. Making a child do everything for themselves, before they're ready, is mean and lazy. A 3 year old is completely capable of pulling off their own shirt, your son has just learned if I cry mommy will do it. So don't do it. Tell him he has a certain amount of time to get his shirt off like a big boy, and if it doesn't happen then such and such consequence will occur. And then follow through. When he removes the shirt himself make a way bigger deal about it then necessary, go on and on about what a big boy he is. You don't want to be dressing your kid when he's 10. It's ok to let them throw tantrums and push independence.
    ba13ygrl1987

    Answer by ba13ygrl1987 at 9:12 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • I haven't had the hard job of helping a kid that was behind. All kids need kind words, patience and encouragement. Calling them names and telling them you will hit them if they don't do it sounds like a HORRIBLE idea. Especially if your child truly needs your help and is unable to function. Yes there is a difference between a whinny kid that doesn't want to do it and one that needs help. A whinny kid will need to have strict rules and rewards for doing themselves. Stickers on a "you can do it" poster would be a nice visual for you and your child to track progress. Good luck.
    babyboyzz

    Answer by babyboyzz at 9:14 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

  • well some kids faster than others..
    smiley745

    Answer by smiley745 at 11:49 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • i think if you continue to do it all for him it might hinder his devolment he wont learn to do things make him do it and if he wants to throw a fit punish him for that and still in the end make him do it
    flipper4u21

    Answer by flipper4u21 at 8:41 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

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