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Did anyone feel weird about wanting another child?

So, I have a fourteen month old, and my husband and I have always said that we don't want an "only child" but now that the time is getting near to start thinking about trying for another one, I'm starting to feel unsure about it... I sort of feel like no baby could EVER measure up to my little wonder boy, and I'm scared I might love the next one less b/c I've "been there, done that"... Does that make sense? Did anyone else feel this way before having their second child, and does this feeling go away???

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:57 PM on Dec. 1, 2008 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • yeah, i felt like that. my daughter was 14 months old when I got pregnant with my second child I kinda felt selfish and my daughter and I had bonded so much that I didn't know how the new baby was going to make it better or worse. I feared that everyday while pregnant. I always thought that I was gonna love my oldest more but when I had her I knew that I was wrong. As they both got older and looked so much alike and my youngest got her own personality I realized that I loved them the same. I will always cherish the time I had with my oldest but I can't see my life or family without my youngest. Have another baby, don't be afraid and open up your heart!

    Answer by babyangelromero at 12:27 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • I feel the same way. My son is 3 years old and I feel a bit pressure because years past by and the gap of age between my first child and my second child (if I decide of having an other one) grows bigger. I'll be very interested to read what other moms will write.


    Answer by Anonymous at 12:30 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • i know i do. i dont have a second child yet. but i do hope that i'm preg. i'm going to tomorrow to find out for sure. but i'm so confused about that. its like how would i treat another child.. willl i love him or herthe same? is it going to feel different? uhhg. i dont know my mind is clouded up!

    Answer by MommaBear1129 at 12:33 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • Our plan was to have 3, close together. I had my first, and after a violent c-section wasn't able to get preggo again for a while, there is exactly 3 years between #1 and #2. I never felt bad after having #2 and if anything I worry about showing favoritism towards my youngest. Now my baby is 18 months old and #3 is due any time now. I didn't feel bad at all at first I was excited that the youngest were going to be so close together. But, now that the date is coming I kind of feel like #2 didn't get enough baby time. I think I bonded more closely with him because I nursed him while #1 was a bottle baby. So, now I feel guilty about having another baby so soon and I worry about how #2 is going to take it.

    Answer by Slinkee at 1:08 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • totally normal to feel that friend went through this too. I told her adding kids is easy...loving is not a matter of division rather a matter of multiplication. the love and amazement you have for wonder boy will only grow ten fold when adding dont love them the same as they are different as you and I love them differently for who they are ...their uniqueness. Take the leap...I promise you wont ever be sorry!

    Answer by salexander at 9:41 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • wow i thought i had written this lol...i feel the same way so no you are not alone. i love my son so much its hard to think of what it would be like with another child. And i am still enjoying him learn and find his way that i dont wanna miss out or be busy with a baby but dont want a big gap either...(he is 2 now...would be 3 if i was to get prego now) so i dont know either. My hubby is very much against an only child and i am getting those urges to be pregnant again (until i remember how much it hurt lol) but im not sure you know......sorry i guess i wasnt much help.

    Answer by ldylancer03 at 10:34 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • A lot of women feel this way and it is normal. There is nothing wrong with feeling your family is complete as it is right now, you have a right to have a change of heart about expanding your family. Also being fearful about not loving another child as much is so common. I don't want to sound glib and say "of course you will." But it may take more time for some women. You have had over a year to get to know your wonderful child and develope a relationship with him. This new child has no history or memmories with you. So it takes time to build that up. One day at a time and soon most parents will come to feel about their second child as they do about their first. Just not in the exact same way but still just as passionate and as intense. Every child and our relationship with that one is different but still wonderful.

    Answer by frogdawg at 12:56 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • The last few years, I felt I would want to end up with 4-5 kids, but now that I'm pregnant with my first, I feel like it would be neat for us to be a little "team of 3" for a while. I want to make sure my child is good and potty-trained first, and a good communicator first. We're having a girl, so I think when she turns 4, that might be a good age- she'll probably be a good "mommy's helper". :) Give it some time if it doesn't feel right yet.

    Answer by Kat770 at 4:49 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

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