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4 Bumps

how do I get my 11 yr. old daughter and my 11yr. old steph daughter to get along ?

they are like oil and water what one wants the other does not it causes alot of fighting between me and my husband.

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mae102380

Asked by mae102380 at 2:34 AM on Apr. 16, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • That is the way it is. Let them grow on each other. Even if they were regular sisters there would be plenty of problems. The more you push the more they will resist. They are fighting for their position and you all are buying into it.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 2:53 AM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • Stop fighting because they are fighting. They will get use to each other.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 4:55 AM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • One idea....my niece has a kindness chart in her home. The kids have to do the things on the chart and they get points or stickers for doing them. After a week or so they get a day out to the park, go out for ice cream, have a special meal, go to a museum, etc. It has worked wonders for them.
    Also, I saw on Supernanny that she had the whole family play board games and do it with teams. Alternate the teams so the girls are team mates once in awhile. This will foster cooperation. Lastly, make sure they get enough one on one time with you and your husband. Plus praise when they do things right. just ideas..........good luck
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 9:18 AM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • Try to just let them figure it out themselves, remember, you and your husband chose to get married, they didn't chose each other.
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 10:28 AM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • My cousins daughter& My daughter are only 2 months apart. They never get along during family functions. I would "Make" my daughter play w/her, which made her very unhappy. Problem is. my daughter is into softball, soccer, basketball, she loves crafts, she gets straight A's and isnt allowed to "talk back" My cousins daughter hates sports, struggles in school, & wants to SIT w/ the adults. I think she is very jealous of her, &comes to the family gathering already in a bad mood, which makes things difficult. The more I tried the more difficult it was It wasnt fair to my daughter, so i quit making her play w/her. It is kinda awkard b/c they barely talk to one another, but at the last family gathering I noticed that they communicated a little more. I guess what I am saying is maybe you should let them try and work things out on their own. Dont let it come between you and your husband. They need to have time to develop a relation
    solmenkoo3

    Answer by solmenkoo3 at 9:16 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • You cannot force kids, even stepsisters to like one another. Allow them to each have their own space and to pursue their own activities. I would let them know that they don't have to be friends but that they do have to treat each other politely and with respect. When my kids used to fight back and forth with each other I would restrict them both to their rooms, regardless of who supposedly started it. If it was bad enough they would lose other priviledges as well. They both came to realize that life was easier for them if they tried to cooperate. And when they were treating each other nicely I'd acknowledge it and praise them for it and sometimes suggest we go out to eat or do something together. They very rarely fight any more.
    cege

    Answer by cege at 3:24 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • Find them common ground in order for them to bond they have to have a reason.
    rhonda111787

    Answer by rhonda111787 at 5:47 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • I only have one. but a friend of mine tied their daughters wrists together and made them EVERYTHING together. It didn't stop the fighting but it made them stop and think before they fought.
    Shaken1976

    Answer by Shaken1976 at 5:51 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • you can't make them like each other that is something they have to work on and come to an agreement themselves; but as some of the others have said the fighting between you and your husband has to stop or cease in front of them and maybe they will start to get along
    Christmaslver68

    Answer by Christmaslver68 at 6:33 AM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • They are not sisters, lol. So leave them alone
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:26 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

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