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4 Bumps

Father's right to pregnancy part 2

Father's right to pregnancy?

I am 19 weeks pregnant with my first child. The father broke up with me when I was 7 weeks. I have told him that I understand that he wants to be apart of the child's life when she is born but until then, he can call and get updates on the doctor's appointments but other then that, he doesn't have a part in my pregnancy. His mother is constantly harassing me because she wants to be in the delivery room and have him there when I have the ultrasounds. He actually showed up at my home the day of my ultrasound demanding to get to go and then followed me to the doctor's office, it was only after I threatened to call the police that he left. His family seems to think that this is their baby and I am just the incubator. Well anyway, my brother is in the Army and has 2 children that he will get custody of in the divorce (which will be finalized next week) IF he has someone to stay with his kids. He has asked me to come live with him, I won't have to pay for anything and I just watch his kids while he is at work and when he is deployed and take care of the house (basically be his wife lol). It is a very good opportunity for me and I can still go to college online (like I am now). I will have to move 6 hours away to do this but I am barely making ends meet right now and I don't know what I am going to do when the baby comes. Well I told my ex about this and he got mad, saying that I am taking away his RIGHT to be part of the pregnancy. As far as being in the room for the ultrasound and the delivery, that is personal and it should be my choice as to who is in there. As far as moving, I have to do what is best for me and the baby. Am I wrong? I truly don't feel that he has any right to my pregnancy.

Since my most quit a bit has happened, my ex showed up at my apartment drunk and yelling at me that either I let him in the delivery room and stay here in town or he is gonna "cut the baby out of me". Obviously, I called 911, he was arrested. He stayed in jail over night and was given an order that he must stay 500 yards away from me until he is sentenced. I also filed a restraining order to make sure this continues. I KNOW now that moving is the best thing I can do for me and my baby. Plus the whole delivery room thing won't be an issue since as there will probably be a restraining order in place by then, he won't even be allowed in the hospital while I am there.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:47 AM on Apr. 16, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (20)
  • I say do what is best for you and the baby. If your ex wants to be part of the baby's life he will make it work and get himself straightened out before it is born. Good luck.
    lilysmom2607

    Answer by lilysmom2607 at 11:15 AM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • I dont think you are wrong, however I would contact a family lawyer now and get some sort of custody order pending so when the baby is born there isnt an issue. It takes 6 months to set up residency and until you have been in the same state or county 6 months he can and probably will file for some form of custody of the child once the child is born. He has every right to do so, and as long as he has pending charges and a restraining order odds are he would get supervised visits. This is something you will deal with for the nexty 18 yrs.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 11:19 AM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • Your PREGNHANCY is yours, both the BABY is both of yours. Just remember, in pregnacy you can keep your tummy away from hium, but when they baby is here, he has equal rights.
    DomoniqueWS

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 11:20 AM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • Speaking from experience I'd say get away as fast as you can- I wish I would have!! No matter where you live he will be able to get visitation if he chooses, which he may not if it's too much of a "hassle" for him.  Do what is best for you- not your ex or his mother.  Good luck!!

    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 11:22 AM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • If I was you, I would jump at your brother's offer... The father of your baby is obviously a jealous, posessive type, so yes, get away from that situation. A court system may find him unfit to be around the child after his recent occurances. Good luck to you and your baby :) I hope all works out for you.
    AdrianzMommie

    Answer by AdrianzMommie at 11:33 AM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • If you are concerned about it talk to a lawyer a lot of lawyers will do a consultation for free and may be able to give you some insight on what to do legally to protect yourself and baby. Is he paying any of the cost of your pregnancy, has he said he will pay child support? If not then I would feel that since you are "just the incubator" then he is just the "sperm donor".

    michcous

    Answer by michcous at 11:34 AM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • I have spoken to a lawyer who says that until I have the baby and he files for rights, he has not rights. I will be able to set up residency right away.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:02 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • I have spoken to a lawyer who says that until I have the baby and he files for rights, he has not rights. I will be able to set up residency right away.

    _______________________________________________________________________
    yep, that's my understanding, that with an unmarried couple the father doesn't have rights til he files for them. Move asap & let him file, it isn't illegal & you have a restraining against him. You aren't doing anything illegal. Wish you the best.
    BubbaLuva

    Answer by BubbaLuva at 2:10 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • Was he stalking you before he knew you were pregnant? It sounds like he has some major issues! This pregnancy is just an excuse/ way to control you. Get a lawyer right after you move in with your brother. Hopefully your brother lives in base housing or some kind of gated community. If not, get a security system too!
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 3:52 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • He broke up with me when he found out I was pregnant but I guess he thought I was just going to be by myself and devote my life to making his easier.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:05 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

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