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7 Bumps

Might not be in the right category...

I am seperated and share 50/50 custody with my 2 kids father. I have a 2 yeear old daughter and 4 year old son, they spend a week with me and a week with their father. I spent 7 years with their dad and when our son was born he told me over and over that he will never love another child like he loves our son. Than our daughter came along, and he always refred to her as "little girl" and never spent time with her, bonded with her or treated her like he did our new born son when he was born. All things I lket go when we were together because she had me!! Now that we are seperated and they do a week to week schedual with us I am noticing our son is showing up in nice new clothes and looking sharp while she is in old hand me down stained clothes. Even in the clothes that are clearly passed down from our son(when we seperated I moved out, he kept our house and majority of our belongings) I truely thought that once he met a girl things would change with our daughter but it seems as if things have gotten worse. Also when she shows up it is clear that someone has "attempted" to trim her bangs and has hacked at tham making them look terrible.
I understand she is only 2 but in the future I worrie this will effect her self asteem.
I guess my Q is 2 parts,
1 would you think it be fair to them kids to tell their father I will keep her full time and our son can continue the week to week schedual? and
2 if so how would you aproach the topic?
We started in a VERY negative seperation but things have definately calmed down.

Answer Question
 
DMansMom005

Asked by DMansMom005 at 2:09 PM on Apr. 16, 2011 in Relationships

Level 4 (52 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Did she cut her hair herself or did someone else cut it?  I've heard quite a few times (and done it myself when I was that age) of kids getting a hold of scissors and whacking their hair off.  My childrens hair is extremely important to me and no way in hell would I be okay with anyone doing anything to it other then myself or my husband.  And the rest of it, I would have a sit down conversation and just tell him what you are feeling like is happening.  Sometimes us parents get caught up and don't realize we are treating one child differently then we are the other(s).

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 2:13 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • Id start documenting everything. Keep a notebook and write down everything you notice in a matter of fact way. And he is with someone now? That is a change of circumstance on its own I would think. I would document what you can, take photos, send letters registered with your concerns, and then go back to court. Get joint custody of both kids, and give him every other weekend visits.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 2:13 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • I would ask him if he would like you to keep her full time in the mean time you should document everything he does and take pictures and take pictures of both of them.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 2:17 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • Have you talked about the difference in the way they are dressed.
    Yes, I do think that it would be wrong of you to suggest seperating the two.
    Could it be that there are no hand me downs for the boy and lots for the girl.
    You could see that there are enough clothes for the girl so that she does not wear hand me downs.
    Since you have them every other week, see that her bangs etc. are taken care of when she is with you.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 2:17 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • I am a firm believer that it is "daddys" job to raise the kids just as much as mommy's. But when my kids are here it is not even just a matter of appearences that concern me when at their dads. My ex is constantly tellhim me they are perfect at his house except that our daughter has hit the terrible 2'sand cries and whines alot. Yet here at my house my son is caught constantly by myself and their step father pushing, kicking, pinching and beating in general on my daughter. As soon as he hurts her she goes running to her room to cry on her bed. She (for some reason) does not say much yet but when either of us goes to talk to her she just burries her face in her pillow. Once she settles she will show us what hhurts and how it happened. I know they are not treated equally and we ended with 50/50 custody because of a MASSIVE mess him and his family created with CFS. But now that they are out of the picture it may be easier lol.
    DMansMom005

    Comment by DMansMom005 (original poster) at 2:29 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • And I am not against hand me downs, I was raised with hand me downs, but the least one could do it pick and chose, and if there arent that many go buy her some!!!
    He is a mechanic and I am a stay at home mother, I would love to send clothes there for her but thats making his life far to easy if you ask me!!
    Either be a man/father or give it up already!!
    DMansMom005

    Comment by DMansMom005 (original poster) at 2:31 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • yeah i would just write down everything and the date that i happened
    mamawilbur

    Answer by mamawilbur at 2:43 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • Your best defense is picture's and documentation. I am going through the same shit w/my soon to be ex and my atty told me to take photos and keep a journal and good luck your soon to be ex sounds like a piece of work. Hugs!
    PatriciaofMN

    Answer by PatriciaofMN at 4:10 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • thank you everyone!! Right now im in the process pf fomding me new council as he has bumped back our child support dates for 4 months now!! And yes Pat...he is definatey a piece of something lol. Best of luck to you as well!!
    DMansMom005

    Comment by DMansMom005 (original poster) at 5:00 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

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