Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

Do i give him the chance he deserves?

So, i have a bit of a situation on my hands and i am hoping for some advice. i guess i'll explain a bit, then get to the current stuff. my boyfriend and i have a beautiful son together, but we recently broke up (5 or so months ago). We were together for quite a while and he is really a great person. while we were together though he was distracted sometimes by friends and work and things like that, and i know that he loved me but he didnt show it very well. i should also mention that he is a super good dad and our son thinks he is the greatest thing ever. he was never mean or abusive or anything towards me, just didnt pay enough attention i think.

here is my problem...

now that we are separated he seems like he is really getting his act together and being the person that i needed him to be. it is hard to tell though if he has really grown up and realized how close he is to losing me and my son. he has apologized so many times for how he acted and says that he is so embarrassed and knows what he was doing wrong and would never be that way to me again. i can see in his eyes that he believes it, and it makes me feel safe. he tells me all the time that he loves me and that he wants to be the great boyfriend and dad that i need him to be. i can see my sons face light up when ever he is around, and i sort of feel like smiling when he comes in the room.

i have talked to some of our friends annd they tell me that all he says about me/us is how much he has realized about what he was doing wrong and what he wants to do with his life now and how he wants to be as a person and a boyfriend and dad.

i want to believe him really bad, but i am worried that if we begin to work things out he will go right back to his old ways. i want our family to be together but do you think that it is worth it to try and see what he is really about now? if he is really serious, i know that we would be happy together. he is a good man and a good dad and when he makes me feel good, he makes me feel really good.

please help.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:55 PM on Apr. 16, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • The title of this posts is your answer.

    Answer by vbruno at 4:56 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • i also just realized that i said 'my boyfriend', not ex?


    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:56 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • I know what you mean. give him the chance he deserves

    Answer by vbruno at 4:57 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • You convinced me. I think you are convinced.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 4:58 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • i would def give it a chance good luck momma

    Answer by kylansmommy09 at 5:01 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • I don't see why not.

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:27 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • I'd just date him for several months. You can learn alot just by dating.

    Answer by meooma at 5:44 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • I would NOT rush ANYTHING! Men change.... sometimes... BUT... it is interesting...usually it is because they actually feel the fear about another man coming in and gathering up what was once their "goodies"! I hate to say that... but it is VERY true! Maybe it is a good thing you do for your son BUT... only if it will truly make you happy to do so. A child living in a home where BOTH people fight or are no good! So, think about the worst case scenario...... if you go that direction and you find out that you were..."duped" how will it leave you feeling? Your son? Also- may I ask you why you feel the "rush" or "pressure" to do ANYTHING!?? IF he is sincere..he can WAIT until you get yourself stable & established (in ways that maybe you were not when you were with him before). If you are happy right now....let him wait for you! If he really is sincere...he will wait! Even telling him that will NOT CHANGE a THING!!

    Answer by FingerPainter at 7:48 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • I believe he's changed, even if that turns out wrong atleast you can walk away knowing you have done everything you can. It's obvious that you still love him.

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 8:12 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • It's totally up to you. I guess if I were in your place I'd give him another chance, start off slowly. Maybe he really did change.

    Answer by myree85 at 11:09 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.