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Why did this happen and i didnt asked for it!

I'm a 29 year old woman, I'm having an affair with a friend of myself and my fiancé! I didn't asked for this to happen and neither did he or my fiancé or his wife! I know I'm going to be judge but I deserve it! And I guess the reasons why we are having an affair is not making it right! I have a wonderful man he provide and care and love me and our kids dearly and our sex is great,but he lacks to be tenderness and caress when it comes to four play and hardly ever kiss me like a man should kiss a woman, he doesn't complement me on anything and say harsh things, the guy I'm having the affair with do all that for me is not just an affair is my closest friend I can share anything with him! His wife manipulates him spend all his money by using their kids as an excuse she swears at him all the time and doesn't give him the credit he deserves his to soft to be hard with her and to be the man in the house she wears the pants! I give him the moral support and the love he deserves just like I give to my fiancé! I'm also his closest friend and not just an affair! Sometimes I want to end this but I can't! I feel so helpless and out of control! We love our partners and our kids even more! Why does things like this happen that just makes life difficult?????

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:58 PM on Apr. 16, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Wow it does not just happen. You should sit down and look at all of the lives that are going to be destroyed and think what you should do. I would give you the bell speech but I think you know your wrong only you can fix it now.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 6:02 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • You have to think of who is important to you. Those kids are just as much involved and you don't want to see them get hurt because of your actions. And no they don't just happen.

    Answer by Kimberly71682 at 6:12 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • I could never justify having an affair. Sorry.

    Answer by since_3.18.93 at 6:26 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • Of course this is know you are wrong and you just need to deal with your issues. You know what is right and wrong, you have since you were 5 years old. Do the right thing and you will feel better.

    Answer by ochsamom at 6:42 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • you gonna marry the wrong man! Those kids will be fine if you guys love each other you want whats best 4 each other. Why live unhappy and missing somthing when it was jut handed to you.

    Answer by goodmama at 8:11 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • If you want to end it.. All you do is:

    Own up to your actions. This did not just happen. You made an active, willful, knowing choice to do this. It didn't just happen, it is not out of your control. You and only you made the choice to do this. You and only you are responsible for it..You and only you can make the choice to stop or not.

    If you are both so unhappy with your spouses, why not leave them and be together? Is there some reason you don't or won't do that? You say you love your partners. If you do love your husband.You will fess up and tell him what's going on.. then..either. 1) file for divorce so you can be with the other man..2) Cut all contact all ties with that other man and work on the issues in your marriage which you feel led you to cheat and try to rebuild your marriage into one that is a happy/healthy/fulfilling/marriage for both you and your husband.

    I wish you the best in your choice

    Answer by pixie_trix at 8:17 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • OOPS..
    Sorry.. Fiance' instead of husband.. sorry about that..

    Answer by pixie_trix at 8:17 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • I feel sorry for your fiance and all children involved. You are making fools of all of them and no one deserves that.

    Answer by MamaMia9999 at 8:26 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • Thank you for all the advice! I just wonder how many of you were in my situation before! Cause you can't judge if you weren't in so position at all! Cause I also felt like you did untill it happend! But I know I have to pull myself together for the sake of my beloved and kids and friendship!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:43 AM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • You'd be surprised at how many women here have been in your situation.. Feeling their husband didn't want them, love them, appreciate them, adore them, talk to them, hold them, kiss them, make love to them like they needed/wanted them to. I dare many if not most of the women here have felt that way at one time or another in their marriage. So please understand that some of the responses you got, may very well be women who have felt those things. However, they may have chosen to handle the situation in a different manner. The flipside of that coin. Many of the women here have been the wife who's husband leaned on "his best friend" and they crossed the line like you and this man have chosen to do.

    Don't always immediately think responses are solely a judgement. Remember that some of the responses are from women who have been there and done that. Either on one, or both sides of the coin.

    Again. I wish you all the best.

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:56 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

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