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3 Bumps

My 10 year old daughter is very defient and angry a lot of the time, what can I do to help?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:02 PM on Apr. 16, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (16)
  • Early PMS?

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 6:04 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • Very hard to tell without more detail . Answers could range from spanking to counselling to psychiatric help and so on .

    Answer by janet116 at 7:01 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • Might be pre-pms! My daughter is VERY moody lately also. Gives attitude everytime I ask her to do something.

    Answer by justme782 at 8:57 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • I think for many kids it's just their personality. (I have six, all grown, 18 & 10 stiling lingering at home...) And my 10 year old daughter is very feisty and argumentive. (Of course I admit, she's the youngest, and after six you just kinda tune a lot of things out.). However, she definitely started puberty early. She's tall for her age, her breasts started hurting and growing, she's got a weee bit of pubic hair growing, and her face is starting to break out. This has been going on since she turned 10 (she'll be 11 in a couple weeks). Crazy to me cause I feel like she's so young for this to be happening! But hormones are real, and the whole mood swing/hormone connection is not a myth. Also, at this age they're moving into the I am definitely not my mom and I'm my own person stage (again) and they want to be teenagers and grown up stage. I won't say it's a stage, because some kids are naturally more defiant.

    Answer by fivekitten at 11:10 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • I totally agree with fivekitten. my 9 year old is starting puberty, and OMG, i want to choke her sometimes. and then I think about how i felt at her age because I was the only girl in the 4th grade to wear a bra, and the only girl in the 5th grade who already started he period.

    Answer by yummysmummy at 12:54 AM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • A little hormonal moodiness should not cause a child this age to be angry and defiant. Honestly,if you're having difficulty at this age, you've got a couple short years, if that, and then you will lose control.

    Anger is a mask emotion, meaning that there is something else under the surface that she needs to deal with. Please consider going to a family therapist with her. Go with her the first time, and tell her you're willing to work together to make your relationship better and that she can also see the therapist confidentially alone if she wants. Be willing to look at family issues, mom issues, and not to just think it is all her. It may be partly a dynamic in the family that she is having difficulty with. At the very least, you can learn how to communicate with her about her feelings and better support her before the more difficult years that are ahead. At ten, they should still be relatively care free and compliant

    Answer by DarlaHood at 1:16 AM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • Ground her

    Answer by christinahenry at 1:45 AM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • counseling; try talking and listening to her yourself and maybe she will open up

    Answer by Christmaslver68 at 6:31 AM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • Does your school have a social worker or offer counseling? My DD was very angry after my divorce but we got free counseling through the school.


    Answer by 1smartcookie at 1:27 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • I have a 12 yo daughter who is very defiant lately. Her favorite words are I don't care. I ground her every other week for her attitude and nothing I do seems to help. I have tried talking with her and everything. I can say that 1 great thing is that she is still on A honor roll and very active in her student council.

    Answer by kikiflores at 7:35 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

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