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3 Bumps

What would you do if........

What would you do if your spouse came to you, asking how you felt about having sex with someone else? I don't know much about open marriages or if this could be considered one - but if either one of you had strong sexual feelings towards another person and wanted to fulfill those feelings - what would you do? In either position. BTW for all of you "I've never felt that because I am a perfect spouse" - your answeres are pointless so please move on. I am just trying to understand people out there who have this kind of relationship. One of my friends is interested in doing this with her husband, I don't have a clue on what to say to her. Just looking for some advice. Please and thank you :)

 
holls85

Asked by holls85 at 6:24 PM on Apr. 16, 2011 in Relationships

Level 2 (-73 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • I personally have never had an open marriage.. I do have friends that have and do.. I have one friend, her and her husband have had an open marriage for over 15 years now. They are both incredibly happy, when anyone sees them together they would just see a "normal" loving, caring, involved couple. Who enjoys being together and experiencing life together. They just happen to also enjoy other people.. It works well for them and has for many years. They have very firm ground rules, and very firm expectations of behavior that were laid out and mutually agreed upon BEFORE they ever ventured into open marriage territory. It was something they BOTH wanted, they both felt comfortable with, they both wanted to experience and they both have enjoyed for years.

    I have another friend that tried it. She ended up miserable and divorced after 12 years of marriage. They BOTH weren't on the same page. So it turned out badly for them.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 5:28 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • Me personally.. After 26 years of marriage.. I would tell him he is free to go and have sex with that other person.. After he moved out and signed the divorce papers. Having a sexual attraction to someone is human, and normal. We as individuals are attracted to different aspects of a person, each of us has sexual attraction triggers as well so there are some people that we as humans will be extremely attracted to and some we won't. Having the attraction wouldn't really bother me, wanting to act on the attraction is where I would have issue. I do not believe humans are naturally monogamous (my opinion is that monogamy is a choice and that monogamy is more of a societal product than one of nature).. However, I do have an agreement to monogamy in my marriage at this time. Therefore, either one of us wanting to/asking to pursue an outside sexual partner would be a no go for me.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 6:44 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • If it's a strong marriage it will be fine. Some folks just need extra stimulation. My SO is really turned on by the thought of me with other men. I let him think I'm with other men. If it thrills him then so be it. Now if he wanted to watch I'd be hosed! I know he sees other women but I know he's not going to run off with them so I'm ok with it. Nothing wrong with open relationships if the people involved don't take it all personally.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:03 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • RUN LIKE THE WIND!!!! LIKE THE WIND IS FULL OF GLASS AND ACID!!!! AND VAMPIRES AND WEREWOLVES!!!! AND AIDS!!!!!
    shewholoves

    Answer by shewholoves at 6:57 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • i am not dogging the open marrige, but just tell your friend to look at both sides of the spectrum here. How is she going to feel knowing her husband has been with someone else. Will she be bothered by it. She needs to be totally honest with herself here, because it could end up killing the marrige. Having sex with someone else also leaves room for feelings for that other person. She really needs to think long and hard about the cause and affect here! Good luck
    DLCarter2011

    Answer by DLCarter2011 at 7:01 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • I have fantasy of being with a women and my boyfriend but i wouldn't do it because I would feel weired afterwards.
    goodmama

    Answer by goodmama at 8:00 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • If mine did that, Id get the pre nup out and show him what it said about that.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 8:08 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • If my husband came up to me and said that I would probably pick the kids up and walk out of the house. I just think it's wrong for your husband to want to me with another woman. If you are in an open marriage thats fine and I'm not going to bash you because that's your relationship but man if my husband said that, I would be so hurt. He is suppose to love me and only want to be with me (at least to my face). Every man thinks about another woman sexually but to act on it is something completly different.
    Mom1127-0125

    Answer by Mom1127-0125 at 10:00 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • I think it's funny "Anonymous" says "there's nothing wrong with it if you don't take it personally" What is MORE personal than F***KING someone?!?!? What is MORE personal than MARRIAGE? haha!
    kazmia

    Answer by kazmia at 1:35 AM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • If my husband came to me asking for supplemental pussy for the old Boudoir Fandango I would:

    a) ask him if the brain tumor he obviously has is operable
    b) tell him to pass whatever it is he's smoking my way because it has to be some decent chiba for him to think that far outside the box
    c) ask him how he thinks he's going to be able to satisfy two women when he's still only batting clean-up with just the one.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 8:47 AM on Apr. 17, 2011

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