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23 year old step son won't work, is disrespectful, breaks house rules to rile up step father, What to do?

I wish it were so simple to just kick him out. I believe this is the right thing to do but his mother teeters between doing this and letting hims stay. The reason it's so complicated is because he previously said he was depressed and she was afraid he might commit suicide. I'm no doctor but I see this as one of his smoke screens. In the 10 years I have known him he has despised authority and short cut everything in life. He has a trust fund that has paid for college (he failed out of 3). He stays up all night playing online games and poker. His big plan is to mooch for 1 1/2 years till he gets his trust and become a professional poker player. I say no way. There will be no more nights on the internet and a job is a must to stay here. The problem is his mothers fear he could commit suicide. He saw a Dr and was on meds but stopped taking them because he felt fine. Mom is afraid of him suiciding complicating things.

Answer Question
 
fedup11

Asked by fedup11 at 7:40 PM on Apr. 16, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • Kick his ungrateful ass to the curb!!! He's 23 for God's sake! Plenty old enough to go figure it all out on his own!! You gonna keep letting him use the Im depressed excuse and enabling him?? And he might kill himself?? Really? Your that gullible?? Your being played!
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 7:44 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • I'd box up all his crap, store his bed in the basement or attic, and not give any of it back until he "earned" it back, by getting a job, paying rent, & doing his share around the house. If he didn't like it, then let him find a new place to live. Time for a large dose of reality!
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:47 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • If his Mom is that worried, he should GO LIVE WITH HER!!!
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 7:49 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • He wants to threaten suicide, check him into a psych ward. Coddling him and enabling him isn't going to make his problems disappear. He needs a reality check. This is exactly how my brother is, 23, never worked a day in his life, does drugs and drinks, expects a free ride and hates the world because everything won't be handed to him. My parents had to kick him out. Well, my stepdad did because he was sick of his freeloading ways and my mom doesn't do crap but make excuses for him all the time. Now he couch hops, but he'll eventually run out of friends putting up with his shit and he'll have to do something for himself.
    Nanixh

    Answer by Nanixh at 7:51 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • Buy him a ticket for the nike express and kick him out.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 7:51 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • There wasn't enough characters to explain everything properly. His mother and I live together. She knows the right thing to do is to kick him out but fears he might commit suicide because he has said he has felt like driving his car into a tree. I think it's a smokescreen and a way for him to manipulate but I'm no Dr and would hate to be responsible for such a thing. My feeling is what is happening now is not working and he had his chance with the Dr. Time for him to leave. She will read the responses but ultimately it will be up to her to have the strength and believe that it is the right thing to do. We need to both agree that this is the proper way to handle things. Thanks for the responses and please keep them coming.
    fedup11

    Comment by fedup11 (original poster) at 7:54 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • She's coddling him big time. Who HASN'T said something like that? Who HASN'T had town times? He may very well be depressed but the VAST majority of people with depression do NOT suicide, and not working and living with mommy at 23 is only screwing up his view of his self-worth.

    I'm 23 years old. I've been married for 4 1/2 years, I have two children, I live on my own, I am an adult. I can't imagine still being with my mommy at this age. I'd feel TERRIBLE about myself.

    If he needs therapy or meds, get them for him and insist that he do things to better his life instead of basing all his self-worth on things OTHER PEOPLE provide for him.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 8:26 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • Is it your house that the friend and freeloader live in? If so charge his ass rent and then when he doesn't pay, kick his ass out. His mother and you need to stop enabling him and send him on his own. He is not a child and needs grow up.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:51 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • Why is not that easy to kick him out?? He'a an ADULT!!! He needs to be responsible for himself!!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:45 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • If his mom knows it's the right thing to do to kick him out then she needs to DO IT!!!! Does he only "feel like driving his car into a tree" when he's confronted about his mooching or someone references in any way the fact that he should be on his own and should have been years ago??? If you want to be sure whether he's manipulating or not talk to a counselor! You can call Focus on the Family 1-800-a-FAMILY and speak to a counselor for free. They're Christian (don't know if you are or not but free is free :) Good Luck!
    purplerobin

    Answer by purplerobin at 2:54 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

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