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2 Bumps

Why is my man so hot and cold?

My boyfriend who lives with me, is so hard to read. It seems like he is never consistant with his behavior. Some days he is affectionate and I feel close to him and then the next day he pulls away and I feel this weird distance between us. Its like he only wants affection or wants to give affection on his time. I don't know how to address the issue without sounding needy...because I've tried and thats what happened. Is it normal for relationships to flucuate daily? How do you get your man to show you affection?

Answer Question
 
MaddyTaylor

Asked by MaddyTaylor at 9:07 PM on Apr. 16, 2011 in Relationships

Level 5 (83 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • men can be like that at times. if you want affection, then be the one to start it. just lunge at him.
    febmom007

    Answer by febmom007 at 9:14 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • How long have you been in this relationship? Maybe hes not really comfortable with it yet. Have you tried to talk to him about his behaviour? How have you tried to go about being affectionate with him? Have you just pounced on him or tried to be all subtle hoping he would get the hint and snuggle up? Some guys are just dense and you have to forgo the subtlty for the puncing. If it continues, I would seriously consider that maybe there is something going on below the surface that your man needs to deal with.
    becca2715

    Answer by becca2715 at 10:00 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • He doesn't know what he wants or does know but doesn't want to get too close to you. I have been through that before and sometimes it's an act from a guy who isn't ready for a commitment or sometimes it's a safety mechanism for a guy that is afraid of losing control. You could as patient as ever and he may never improve. You either have to decide if this is what you're willing to put up with or find someone else more in touch w/himself. He may even be bipolar. I found out the hard way that an ex of mine was. That type of person needs intense, ongoing therapy and not from you. There are lots of other people out there and it doesn't hurt to find what you want. You owe it to yourself not to settle for anything less than someone who doesn't string you along and can be the person you want. If you stay, you'll likely be tortured by this hot/cold cycle for years. Trust me, I've been through this before. Good luck!
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 10:08 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • I've been through that, hated it. NEXT!
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 12:01 AM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • Well I don't want to give up on him, but I do tend to be the type to try to change a guy. I always think I can fix them. I can't help but feeling that the reason he acts this way stems from something in his past...and I keep telling myself that if I just stick it out he will eventually come around or allow me to help him deal with it some how. Am I crazy???
    MaddyTaylor

    Comment by MaddyTaylor (original poster) at 12:06 AM on Apr. 17, 2011

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