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Help!! step parent thing

long story short, my ex and i have been in a custody battle for 4 years. i remarried 2 years ago and my 7 and 9 year old have a wonderful relationship with my husband. my ex had supervised visitation for the past 2 years just today he was allowed unsupervised access. the courts think he has been rehabilitated. please!! but anyway, the kids used to be afraid of him but all the bad stuff happened so long ago. my 7 year old is clueless. today when we exchanged she didnt stay with my husband and i, she ran ahead to the ex. my husband is so crushed. i think i heard his heart break right there. needless to say the ex is a real jerk and has put us through hell but i cant do anything about what the courts order. now hes saying that he wants his own kid and hes tired of spending money on kids who arent his. he also is saying that any toys etc. that the ex buys are not to come into his house.  now what am i supposed to do?

 
mykidsmom86

Asked by mykidsmom86 at 9:13 PM on Apr. 16, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 16 (3,115 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • This is all really fresh so I would give it a few days for the whole thing to settle in and then I would speak to your Dh about this when you can both have some time to talk. The fact is your ex is going to be in your life forever because of the kids, and your husband has to accept that. It will be easier if you are on the same page for the best way to handle this new situation. Remind him that your kids might be excited right now but they aren't just going to forget the person who has been there for them on a daily basis. Now is the time for him to strengthen his relationship with your kids, not turn his back on them because they want to see their father. How can you hold that against a 7 and 9 year old? Do they deserve to lose a good step-dad because they want to know their "real" dad. And once they're older they'll be smart enough to know who has loved them and is really family. Good luck!
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 9:39 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • Well that's a terrible thing to say. Do u want to have kids with a man that's already tired of spending money on yours. If you do have a baby he probally will not have anything to do with the other kids.
    mamaofficer

    Answer by mamaofficer at 9:33 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • Tell him to grow the hell up, you aren't going to ask a child to play favorites. Explain that he went into your relationship knowing that you had children by another man, and now he has to deal with the complications of that fact. He's probably just having adjustment issues. Hopefully this will pass.
    Kimedbs

    Answer by Kimedbs at 9:47 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • first of all, talk to him about how you're feeling. second, maybe he wants some bonding time with your kids and he's just being jealous. Maybe you should all go on a little vacation together or go to the park or something
    febmom007

    Answer by febmom007 at 9:28 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • Its really hard to love children like they are your own and give them everything you have and then see in your face that they love someone else that doesnt do half of what you do for them. My dss bio mom is a pos but he loves her. She is his mom and he should love her. Tell your husband that the children love him the same as they always have. They dont love him any less they just also loves their dad. Tell him to keep loving them and being there for them, even when they are acting like jerks to him. Trust me, that will happen. Most likely they will be confused by their feelings for both their dad and for their step dad.
    suark

    Answer by suark at 9:31 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • So a grown man is angry over a little girl who wanted to be with her own daddy? What an immature jerk.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:41 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

  • It is good that your husband loves your kids, but he is not their father, and no matter what he never will be. It isnt fair for him to be upset when a girl is excited to see her father!
    VBM7287

    Answer by VBM7287 at 11:29 PM on Apr. 16, 2011

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