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How can I get my 13 yr. old to stop arguing and talking back?

7th grade boy, started negative behaviors around entry of 6th grade, his dad and I are divorced, 3-yr. old and 4 month old sister with marriage to his stepfather, son argues with anything and everything, demands certain privileges & sulls up when he doesn't get them, doesn't listen or follow through with directions or chores that we give him

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:45 PM on Apr. 16, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (11)
  • Not sure if this will help, but the first thing that I would suggest is that you pick two saturdays in the month and do something special with him. My 9 year old daughter sometimes feels left out because she doesn't have the same father as my step-children(I have been with him for 9 years). so to keep her from lashing out because she feels left out, i do something with her twice a month to let her know that she is still and always be special to me. I don't have a lot of money, so whether we go out to breakfast together or to the grocery store and I let her get a few things that the other can't have. we still have some ups and downs, but thats the life of a preteen.
    yummysmummy

    Answer by yummysmummy at 12:04 AM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • Ya, be understanding to a certain extent, this is a really hard age for him!!! But don't let him disrespect you at all, for that, consequences.
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 12:08 AM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • respect should've been established since child was born, but i think he's beening difficult becuz of the divorce and such. maybe if you sit down and talk to him and find out where his pented up frustration is coming from and then have some one on one time with him and maybe he just need more attention. personally he's a teenager and becuz he's acting like a child i would treatment him like one. my son is a step child to my husband who's military and we do bootcamp excerises for him if he even cross the line. i'm sure your 14 wouldn't want to do flutter kicks, up down's or holding books in a squating position against da wall
    MommaSyrup07

    Answer by MommaSyrup07 at 12:18 AM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • Counseling and consequences for negative actions.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:15 AM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • I agree with yummy. it is so tough to be different from the other siblings. Plus post the house rules and have a family meeting about them. Remember to praise when he does things right. Good luck!
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 8:39 AM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • Treat him respectfully.   Don't react to his attitude.   Deny privileges until chores are done.

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 9:22 AM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • It takes two to argue. Stop fueling the fire. Pick your battles with him. He may have a natural ability to debate which would be great if he goes in to the field of law so don't stifle his abilities but do tell him he needs to pick his battles as well. That way what you (and he) say is important and taken seriously by the other.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:51 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • if you find the one great answer can you pass it on with two teenage dd's , i have a content battle of will's on a daily basis but i rember i'm the parent and i pick what i wish to fight about and the other stuff sulking, moodyness i just gloss over because as long as their doing what needs to be done i dont care what approach the take to get there.....sometime i think the revert back to the trouble twos when the hit 12 and the hormones start raging ......
    cara124

    Answer by cara124 at 11:55 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • my 12 year old son was quick to lash out at me quite a bit for awhile.. he's missin his dad when he acts out like that at me.. I sit him down and try to get him to open up but he never says much.. so i do things with him that i dont do with my daughter and vice versa.., we have all been through counseling.. and we are getting better as a family, but its a process..
    girlglow6

    Answer by girlglow6 at 1:17 AM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • B doesn't happen until A is complete. That child wants things that only you can provide. So until he starts giving you the proper respect and doing what is expected of him, those things he wants do not happen. And JUST because you are no longer with his BF doesn't give right to special treatment above and beyond what the other children get. They all need to be treated equally and fairly and given the same expectations appropriate for each age.
    gbrewster

    Answer by gbrewster at 8:34 AM on May. 17, 2011

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