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Moms, would you let your 16 year old daughter spend the afternoon upstairs in her bfs bedroom?

We have been struggling with this issue for a while. My dd lied and told me she and bf were in the next room from bf's Dad. Even if the parents are home, DH and I do not feel that they should be allowed to be on a different floor of the house, alone in his bedroom, even if she says all they are doing is watching TV. He apparently has a computer in his room as well, and Mom doesn't ever look at it, from what she told me when I first met her. She also said, no girls over when she's not home. I just am not naive enough to believe that anyone is bothering to check up on them, and even then, how often is enough? I think his Mom thinks he is an angel, and my DH and I think she is sooo clueless...my dd is this boy's first girlfriend, but he has definitely been, um, educating himself on "stuff". I found out he watches porn, and that he is trying to get my dd into something like sneaking away after a dance. She has had a few other bfs, but we always have rules of being on the same floor as us, or somewhere like the mall, bowling, school dances and group events, etc. Lots of choices to be together, but not alone. She says she hates some of our rules, but we feel that she is still a child and needs a childhood and should fight for it. If she won't, we will. I have said that she is putting the cart before the horse, and she needs to grow up by getting her license and a job and an education, then waay down the line get more serious about boys. None of her best friends are into boys or dating, but I assure you, none of these girls' Moms would ever allow it either! We are all friends. We are encouraging her to keep busy with her girlfriends and family, and looking at colleges over this April vacation. I am sick of defending my position and "old fashioned" rules. How would you deal with this?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:38 AM on Apr. 17, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (24)
  • With the door wide open, maybe. I've been in her shoes...sounds the exact same as the stuff I pulled back in the day. Parents had to be home and door had to stay open...not a crack either, all the way.
    Renee3K

    Answer by Renee3K at 9:40 AM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • NO, my child will not be spending ANY time with a male by themselves anywhere! stick to your guns and don't allow her over there if it makes you that worried.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:40 AM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • I did let my son be in the bedroom with his GF but the door was wide open and we could see in anytime we wanted. but no i wouldn't allow alone for hours with the door closed.
    jenn4443

    Answer by jenn4443 at 9:44 AM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • Doesn't happen here. Firstly, because DS has no TV or computer in his room. Secondly, because I do not allow it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:46 AM on Apr. 17, 2011


  • “She says she hates some of our rules” ---- You guys must be doing right. ;-)




    "old fashioned" rule thumb yo



     


    musicmom08

    Answer by musicmom08 at 9:47 AM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • You are going through a tough stage of parenting Stick to your guns and stand by your rules You & your husband need to be supporting with ea other. On her boyfriends side maybe you can talk to his mom/dad and work out some situation to help your daughter & her boyfriend out. You don't want to step on their t ruff but then again you are her parents. I strongly agree with your rules!! Yes your daughter is still a child and she does need structure in her life. I hate to say this but there are a lot parents in your shoes.
    The generation now in my opinion just seem like they want the world given to them and they don't want to earn anything or do anything. I would say sit down with her a mother/daughter time and tell her exactly how you! talk to her school counselor and see what advise she or he gives you.
    Bottom line stick to your guns!!
    bmwlover

    Answer by bmwlover at 9:48 AM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • I... don't know.
    When I was 16, my high school boyfriend and I would sometimes have sex in his room while his parents were home - in THEIR room just down the hall. Granted, it wasn't often, but it DID happen. Eventually they got wise and stopped letting us keep the door shut, even if we did tell them it was just so we wouldn't hear his younger sister watching TV in the next room. :P
    AdensMama0308

    Answer by AdensMama0308 at 9:48 AM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • hell no! my parents didnt even let a boy in my room PERIOD
    kylansmommy09

    Answer by kylansmommy09 at 10:16 AM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • NO!
    BaileysMom476

    Answer by BaileysMom476 at 10:27 AM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • No! I know what I used to do with my boyfriend (husband now) when I was a teenager in his room, even when the door was open... We were pretty sneaky.. . My daughter(s) will not be allowed to have boyfriends in the bedroom(s) at ALL!!
    ali_1107

    Answer by ali_1107 at 10:34 AM on Apr. 17, 2011

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