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He doesn't understand why I get upset...

Ok, for the last five years dh and I have lived 5 hrs away from my family, close to his family. But the job market up there is really bad, and we got tired of not being to pay bills. I was only seeing my family once every 3-4 months, sometimes less than that. So we decided to move down and hope for better jobs, which we both go, we tripled our income. So now he says he is going to go visit his family and friends every month. I have a second on-call job and I am on-call most weekends, so I have never gone with him to go see his mom. I wouldn't mind if he went and just stayed with his mom. But he goes drops 16 mo old DD off at his moms and spends all weekend going out with his friends. and I know he has been hanging out with his ex while he's up there and at least one other girl. I barely hear from him at all while he is gone, and I don't get many details when he gets back. He will just say "oh we went to the bar" and nothing else. And he wants to go and take like 300$ with him every time. Then gets mad because we don't have money to do certian things. Or if I tell him we don't have to take as much as he wants. It's ok for him to go out and blow all this money partying with his friends, but heaven forbid I spend 50$ on a outfit for work. It's like the end of the world because I spend all of *his* money, even though between my TWO jobs I make more than he does. But anytime I try to talk to him about it he just says he is a grown man and he can go do whatever the hell he wants with whoever he wants and I need to get over it. There is all this and so much more stuff that's going on that every day I am leaning more and more towards leaving him.. I just don't know right now. I have a college degree and I started an actual degreed position making fairly good money. When I got my first paycheck from this job I told him how much it was and he said "What? Why? You don't deserve that much money for either one of your jobs!" And then he wants to know why I seem I'm mad at him. I'm at my witts end. I've got all my friends saying leave him, you can do so much better, he doesn't deserve you. I've got my mom telling em to try my hardest to make it work out for dd... and then I just go to bed every night and cry. It seems like everything I do is work. If I tell him about something that happened at work he says all I do is bitch about work. If I try to get him to come do soemthing with me and DD he sleeps until noon, hten gets mad at me when I take her and go do stuff without him. He refuses to help me do ANYTHING around the house, he won't even fold a load of laundry. And heaven forbid he has to change a diaper, the world might actaully end! I'm just tired... So very very tired of everything. but in the end I'm always the big bad bitch.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:44 PM on Apr. 17, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • I just finished your story and kinna the same boat except I am a housewife with 3 kids and his money since he works. Having problems and everyone says leave but I have kids to think about and will never leave them. Men can be hard headed at times and think we should just let them do things since man of the house. I think we need to get them together and let them know marriage is a two way street and not just one way. I would love to stay in touch since sometimes just getting on here to vent helps so much. I would like to be there for you as a friend. But do what you think is best for the two of you and no one else.
    momindiana

    Answer by momindiana at 3:53 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • Why the hell would you put up with that? Tell him the next time he decides to act single and spend time with his ex, don't bother coming back home.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 4:04 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • Girl you should see how much you have taken and see how much you can take its hard when your the one working and someone is telling you you don't deserve that. I would never listen to him you know how hard you work and when everything becomes one person working its hard to take keeping it together for the kids is hard to take yourself out for a week and decide for yourself. GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 4:10 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • he wants his cake n eat it too..
    smiley745

    Answer by smiley745 at 4:58 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • Girl, you DO deserve better than that!! I say take your kid and go! Let him fend for himself and see what he's lost.
    Kari727

    Answer by Kari727 at 4:59 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • Well step back and read everything you just wrote and tell me if you really want the rest of your life to be like this. I bet you will say no, I know your mom wants you to stay with him because of the baby but why stay with someone who is more of a hender than a help, he don't help you he bitches at you he parties without you spends the money and gets mad if you do. You do deserve better and many women have raised there children on their own and he can still have a relationship with his child but you do deserve better....and spending 300 a month to party is crazy he is doing something he isn't suppose to do,,,,keep watch and do a little investigation.....good luck
    dusty1962

    Answer by dusty1962 at 8:49 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • Go, leave! i know it seems impossible now, but i can swear to you it will be worth it in the end. You can make it and you deserve to be happy.
    NightOwlMama

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 9:25 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • Sounds like a very tough situation. I strongly feel that the "stay together for the kids" argument only works in situations where the problem spouse may in fact change their behavior in the future. I realize that the idea of leaving him might be scary but if he is the kind of man who isn't willing to go through marriage counseling or try to work on his issues then do you REALLY want him sticking around and being the male role model for your children? Leaving him might just be the best thing you could ever do for your daughter. You seem educated and you're obviously able to provide for your LO, so explore your options, make sure he understands that you're at your breaking point and give him the ultimatum - counseling or you leave. Good luck!
    ShainaMay

    Answer by ShainaMay at 4:21 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

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