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2 Bumps

Dad no longer wants to deal with HIS kids anymore...

I'm a parent to two grown kids (20/f and engaged and living on her own and 17/b). I pretty much raised them on my own, and I have to say they are good kids. They are honest, trustworthy, well adjusted and both have goals set for their future. Are they perfect? Not even close, but they do not cause me problems or worry.

I'm living with my boyfriend, who stays over night for his job 2-4 days a week. My boyfriend has a 16 year old daughter (D), and two toddler boys (3 and 4). When I stepped in as the "step parent" my bf told me to raise his children as if they were my own (as he believed I had done a good job with my own children), which I have done until a couple months ago.

"D" has Type I Diabetes. She does not take care of herself, which worries me sick. She lies about her numbers, so now I have to check her numbers on the monitor myself. She refuses to take proper insulin, which only makes matters worse. Her numbers range from 200's up to 500's. Additionally, her school work is unimportant. She is dishonest about her classwork/homework. Thankfully, her dad does check her grades from time to time via the internet...however, he does not bother with her Diabetes anymore.

Dad used to take freedoms away to keep her numbers in check, however, he's given up with this consequence. Her grades are (once again) below average, yet she enjoys freedom to do whatever she wants to do. She does not follow house rules, and dad turns a blind eye.

I have talked with D about her choices and behaivors. She says she knows she's lazy, doesn't care and needs to kick in the pants to do what she's supposed to do...but it never happens.

I'm frustrated beyond belief. I've never been the kind of parent who turns a blind eye when kids are being disrespectful or (even worse) self destructive. Every time I try to talk with dad about this, he shuts me down immediately. He doesn't want to face it.

I could really use some opinions here. I'm open to anything! (I'm going to suggest counseling for dad and I. D is already in counseling and has admitted to lieing to her therapist so she doesn't get lectured.)

Thanks for reading.

Answer Question

Asked by Dreadingit at 8:27 PM on Apr. 17, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 3 (13 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • How long have you been in (d) her life? I guess you really can't help her if she doesn't want help. I am just wondering why she is hurting herself by lying about the numbers and not doing her school work.

    I'll bump this, maybe someone can offer suggestions.

    Answer by ItsJustMe1017 at 8:39 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • There is only so much you can do if he isn't willing to contribute. I'd set rules and consequences and stick to them as much as you can.

    Answer by skittles1108 at 8:40 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • Where is her mother? It should be her mother and father that are taking care of and raising her, NOT you. Sorry, but I probably would not be sticking around or being with someone that doesn't take care of his own kids.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 8:43 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • D. is attempting to commit sucide and dad seems to be okay with it. Seriously, even grades etc. are one thing but sugar number like that can NOT be ignored. She is still NOT an adult. I would speak to him very seriously about why he thinks you did a good job with your kids and what you had to do and I would flat out ask him why is he okay with his dd dying? why he's alright with her literally killing herself b/f his eyes?
    Something is VERY wrong.

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 8:45 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • D's mother doesn't know what to do, either. She has told me she's sorry I have to deal with all this. I agree with can't help her if she doesn't want to help herself. And I'm sorry...I"m new here. What does "bumping" mean?

    Comment by Dreadingit (original poster) at 8:47 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • Is there a class she can take at a local hospital or clinic that helps her understand her diabetes and how important it is to take care of herself? Maybe she was never educated on her disease... or was too young to understand at the start?

    Bless you for taking such an initiative to watching over these children and caring for them like you do! You sound like an amazing mother/woman! Good luck!

    Answer by KTurner4 at 8:47 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • my first question is where are these kids mother? .......i'm sorry and i know that this person is your boyfriend but if its gotten this bad and the dad has given up i would be telling the mother......

    Answer by cara124 at 8:48 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • Can you get her to the doctor or even talk to her main doctor? (Assuming you are the main adult in her life - yes I am a SM in a similar position so I can somewhat understand, SS just isn't as old as D but I take care of most of the stuff for him. Yeah, a lot of people say SMs shouldn't but if BM isn't around and DH doesn't step up somebody's gotta.)

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:49 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

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