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Double Standards

I am currently engaged to be married to Steve. I have 2 children (son, 12 and daughter, 9) and Steve has 4 boys (11, 10, 8 & 7). I have been a widow for 5.5 yrs and of course my kids live with us all the time. We get his boys every other weekend from Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon and the other weekends we get them from Saturday morning to that evening.
My problem is, I have the same rules for ALL the kids and Steve really doesn't try to make his boys follow the house rules. His reasoning is, "I only get them for the weekend and I want them to enjoy coming here." We have been together for well over a year.
It makes my kids feel horrible that his boys don't get in trouble for the same things mine do.
How do I get him and his boys to understand that rules are rules no matter how often you are at our house and you are going to be punished for breaking our rules?


Asked by FireWomanCher at 9:38 AM on Dec. 2, 2008 in General Parenting

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Answers (8)
  • omg i went through the exact same thing it is terrible and it does make your kids feel terrible too. my husband and i got together when his oldest was like five or six (he is now eighteen)and my oldest was like three or four (she is now almost seventeen) my kids have always lived with us his kids live with their bitch of a mother. it was always a double standard and it still is when his kids come here which realy isn't very often anymore thank god. i just ended up dropping the rules when his kids were around. if they don't have to listen mine dont either,but you know what my kids were raised well enough to follow the rules regardless and they made their mama very proud and i always had people commenting on how good MY kids were. which would make him mad cuz he knew that his kids weren't gonna get those compliments.

    Answer by jodi205 at 9:44 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • Just because he doesn't see them that often is no excuse. The rules should apply to all children in the house, if he doesn't want to then he should go elsewhere with he kids. They still need to have parenting to grow up and become MEN.


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:22 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • Yup, make it the all or none- either all the kids follow the same rules or the rules are gone when they are visiting!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:29 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • He needs to be the father and not the friend. When he had kids he signed up to enforce rules and boundries for ALL of his kids.

    When they are older, they won't be able to bend the laws...

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 11:28 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • this will continue to be a major problem for you. he needs to have his children follow the rules.

    Answer by charisma10 at 11:53 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • That's what I say but, he won't listen to me....arggggggg

    Answer by FireWomanCher at 12:54 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • went through this can I be mean to her when I only have her every other weekend? boo hoo hoo...well i just said look..if we are going to be a family same rules apply to all...they are not coming here and acting like butts just because they can. Took some getting used too but we are ok now.

    Answer by salexander at 2:35 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • Just got home from my son's therapy session and the therapist agreed with me and all of you. Rules are rules and if his kids can't follow them then he shouldn't try to get my kids to follow them and punish them for not following the rules when he doesn't punish his.

    Answer by FireWomanCher at 4:16 PM on Dec. 2, 2008