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Marriage issues - can i get some words of support?

i know there are ups and downs in marriage. my husband and i have fought all weekend, mostly about the kids (preschooler and 8 mo twins). mostly about potty training, disciplining, cio, etc... basically, he said i'm the worst mom on the planet. everytime i intervene in something he's doing, he starts fighting with me. it's just a down moment and i wonder if we'll make it. i question how i'm going to survive this marriage with a guy who says i'm a horrible mom, that he does all the disciplining. he does - i'm the good cop, he's the bad cop. but his style is scary - putting son in the closet, etc. there are better ways, no? but at the same time, it's hard when i'm the one getting blamed for every bad behavior of the kids... i'm not even a sahm, not w/ the kids most of the time to even be the one getting blamed... just rambling now. had no one to talk to. i wonder if other moms out there have made it through some tough times at home. i'm wondering if divorce is down the road...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:22 PM on Apr. 17, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • WOW!! Locking your child in a closet? I believe you said he has a "scary style" is it abusive? Locking someone in the closet would be considered abuse. Honestly, I think you and your child(ren) would be better off if you left him.

    If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your child(ren).

    Good Luck!
    ItsJustMe1017

    Answer by ItsJustMe1017 at 9:27 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • Whoa!! He puts a child in the closet and wants to say YOU are a bad mom.

    It sounds like your SO has some real issues. Right now he is emotionally abusing you and the kids with his actions. He will cause real harm to the kids as well as to you if you do not stop him. I would suggest he get counseling, but he might not do it. Leave if you have to, but what he is doing is not right.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 9:28 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • For your children's sake I hope divorce is in your near future. Putting kids in closets as punishment WRONG, that needs to stop NOW. I'd pack my kids and my stuff and find a place to live. I wouldn't tolerate the way he treats my children OR me. Get out..life will be so much better for all of you.

    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 9:29 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • What is putting child in the closet going to do maybe some parenting classes for him and some marriage counseling for you as a couple it can help if you two want to make it.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:31 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • My son's father was like that with me. He didn't stick our son in the closet or anything like that for bad behavior, but he always put me down. Still to this day, 4 12 yrs later ...I'm the worst mom on the face of the earth. I can't do anything right. He once told me that "He's a better mom than I'll never." It got to the point that I had to leave him. We've been split up for 2 1/2 yrs now. Best 2 1/2 yrs since I met him in 2003. I say try couples therapy & see if that helps, Hun. Good Luck & Take Care !!
    loudnproud87

    Answer by loudnproud87 at 9:31 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • I think he should be questioning his parenting style NOT you! Putting a child in a closet is not only wrong but abusive. He needs to be put inside the closet and after you lock the door LEAVE and don't look back!
    PatriciaofMN

    Answer by PatriciaofMN at 9:34 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • A preschooler does not belong in a closet! There are time out chairs or his own bed. He is terrorizing the child. Keep standing up for what you feel is right. You are NOT a bad mom. If you want the marriage to work, maybe you should take notes of what dh doesn't like the child doing and you try to intervene and correct the behavior BEFORE he notes it. Words do hurt. Realize if you do choose to walk away you are doing it for the safety of your children. and yourself
    brypmom

    Answer by brypmom at 9:34 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • Did you see the Oprah show this week about the 6 year old who was locked in a closet (restrained by a metal fence and a dog chain) for hours, even days by his father and step-mother? It may not be anywhere near that bad at your house....but abuse is abuse and your children are suffering if this is how they are "punished". You are only a bad mom if you ALLOW this behavior to continue and your children to be abused by this man (and yourself). Find your inner "momma bear" and do whatever you need to for your children. If you think marriage counseling will work and he would go....try that.
    I am in the process of going with my husband triggered by his random verbal attacks on me and I pretty much told him that we go or I leave with our 9 mo. old because I refuse to have her think that that is how a man is suppose to treat a woman. Kids learn by OBSERVATION and ACTIONS.
    Good luck. Remember, you only have 1 chance at life!
    siren77

    Answer by siren77 at 9:44 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • You both need some help. If I were you, I would call some of the churches in your area and speak with a pastor who is trained in counseling. Tell him what is going on in your home and ask for help. This has not reached abuse yet, but you all are getting pretty close. So much of how we respond in situations depends on how we were brought up. Tell your husband that you think you both have problems. Don't blame it all on him, because none of us parents perfectly, and we all have things to learn. Tell him you want your children to grow up secure and loved, and that you want your family to stay together. If you approach it from that angle, he is more apt to agree with you about getting help. Even if he doesn't, you make some phone calls and tell someone what is going on and ask for help for yourself and for your family. This cannot be allowed to continue. Your children deserve better and so do you and your husband.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:51 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

  • I'm sorry. I couldn't get past the closet part. That would be the damn day ANYONE put my kid in a closet! "Father" or not.
    MamaMia9999

    Answer by MamaMia9999 at 9:55 PM on Apr. 17, 2011

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