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Married or living together?

I guess I don't know what happened to traditional themes...why would you shack up with someone over getting married? Doesn't anyone believe in the piece of paper as being a sacred entity? Yes, I'll hear that it's JUST a piece of paper and I don't need a piece of paper to prove my love...but why wouldn't you get married FIRST?
Please no hate mail or lectures...it's just a question.

 
Droyal14u

Asked by Droyal14u at 5:09 AM on Apr. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,793 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • My husband and I have been married more than 46 years and we did not live together until after we were married. We have three children, all three of whom are happily married and none of whom lived together until after they were married. I don't know when nor how the trend to do otherwise began, but I do think it has fundamentally wreaked havoc with the very foundation of our society. There is a very real purpose for marriage and it is not the same as just living together. Perhaps the fact that that purpose is no longer being taught on a wholesale basis is the reason why marriage has come to be looked upon as simply a piece of paper. In reality, it has not a thing to do with a piece of paper. It has everything to do with what the vows of marriage portray and what is involved in the willingness to make a formal committment and in the living up to the vows that are made. The difference is real and wholly evident to those who know
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:14 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • Well Dh and I "shacked up" together before we were married. But the goal was always marriage which we did 13 wonderful years ago. I wouldn't just live with someone my whole life without getting married though. And having kids before marriage was never and would never be the plan. Sure there are accidents, but having children on purpose before marriage is IMO a bit silly. If your afraid a piece of paper is going to change your relationship, then there's probably something wrong with the relationship to begin with.
    SalemWitchChild

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 6:02 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • My ex and I lived together for 3 years. My SO and I now are taking it really slow so we aren't living together. Personally I wouldn't marry someone before I lived with them. You don't really know someone until you live together IMO.
    June_Mama09

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 9:56 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I guess it comes down to everyone being different with different things being important to each and every person and relationship. Marriage surely isnt for everyone, and some people just really shouldnt get married period, I have more respect for someone who chooses not to commit to marriage because they are not sure if its for them than someone that commits to marriage and still lives and carries on relationships outside of their marriage as though they are single.

    For me, marriage was and still is important.
    Princess_s21

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 6:04 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • Well I did live with my husband before we got married but we have been married for 10 yrs.
    jenn4443

    Answer by jenn4443 at 6:11 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • My DH and I lived together before we were married because I had an autistic child from a previous marriage. Dealing with a child on the spectrum for a few hours a day on weekends is much different from living with one. I insisted that we live together first to see if he could handle the stress that this life has before he committed to a marriage with me. Marriage is important to me, but I also needed to know if he could handle what my life is. 

    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 7:17 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • Married, never lived together. And breaking all the statistics.....because we've been married for almost 22 years and most couples that married at the ages my husband and I did are divorced before 15. We actually renewed our vows for our 15th.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 7:37 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I lived with my husband before we got married, he have been married for 6 years in October. We always planned on getting married (engaged after only 6 months of dating), but we were young and wanted to see how things worked out before we actually went through with a marriage.
    Mom1127-0125

    Answer by Mom1127-0125 at 8:43 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • Well, DH and I did live together before marriage, but there were extenuating circumstances in my case. My home life at the time was not healthy at all, and he was just getting me out of a horrible situation that was about to turn a lot worse. We hadn't slept together at that point, and I had a room and DH had a room. Our goal was always marriage, and a date was set early on.
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 8:50 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I agreed to live together after we got engaged so we could save for the wedding.

    BUT I think it is a falsehood to "be engaged" with no wedding date. Either you are engaged to get married or it is a falsehood. We had our date with in weeks of getting engaged.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:53 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

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