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How do you convey your views on teenage sex/sexual contact to your teen? Read on... adult content

Not only sexual intercourse, but all the other stuff including hand in pants, oral sex, etc...OR, do you just hope they don't get pregnant and is that your main message?
I actually think that after a certain point of kissing/hand holding/hugging.... beyond that and all the other touching below the belt begins, it's really inappropriate behavior. I remember as a teen kissing/making out, but wanting to stop at some point there because everything else seemed to send the message I was saying yes to anything. And I realized that boys were so immature and wanted to get to it so quickly, even if they said otherwise. I waited until college to get more "serious" and have never regretted it. Shortly after, I met the man I married. Sex/sexual contact is for adults in my view, as antiquated as that may seem...although I'm not naive enough to think nothing will happen, I want to try to minimize opportunities.
How can I convey this message to my teen when all the arrows in our society point to more lenience in this area...? I have tried to convey this a bit, but I think she's too young to really get it or listen anyway...Words must be chosen delicately...and what if we disagree? She thinks boys are great! It's so hard raising teens!! Thanks, Moms!

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:14 AM on Apr. 18, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (11)
  • Open and honest dialog. Talk to your daughter about everything you just stated above.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 7:34 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • You just talk to her like you would any other young woman or woman. You also dont just talk about sex once in awhile, you have to bring it up every so often so it is not a taboo subject. That way when and if the time comes she is thinking about sex she will feel comfortable enough coming to you. You also do not want to be so rigid she thinks she cannot come to you because you wont understand or will freak out. In the end sexual contact is a personal choice, she may go along the way you did, she might not.

    Answer by gemgem at 7:38 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • There is actually a program called STARS, students today aren't ready for sex that helps get that across. where I am from in the northwest usa they teach it in school. look it up you might get some pretty good pointers about topic starters and points.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:38 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I agree talking with your kids honestly and openly is a start. I usually tell my kids that your body will be saying "Yes, Yes don't stop, while your mind might be saying NO NO" You have to listen to your mind because as hard as that might be you don't want to do something you will regret later on. I also tell my children this is what I hope for you that you wait to have sex and all the other stuff that comes with it. My kids know about BJ's and that sort of thing and I always tell them they need to wait, although in the end it is their decision. I am honest and say while this is what I hope for you I understand that you are your own person and if you choose to do something make sure you are careful and protected.

    You can't be with your kids all the time and I think the more information they have and the more they understand the better off they are.

    Good Luck!

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 7:48 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I jthink that you should just be honest about how it feels to be touched "below the belt". It can feel really good, but that feeling can be very overwhelming and leave you thinking that you want more than you are ready for. I'm not above encouraging teenage girls to mastrubate if it will delay intercourse.

    Answer by Kimedbs at 7:50 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • Just keep your communication open and honest. Thats about all you can do. In the end the decision is hers, but you can giver her the tools to make the best decsions for her

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 8:56 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I think you convey the message that it's best to hold off on all kinds of physical contact until you are in a committed relationship. In my views, even hand holding shouldn't be done with just anyone. Any type of physical contact generally leads to more intimate contact. Not sure what your religious views are, but there is a book called "Bringing up Girls" by Dr. Dobson that talks about how to go about this that I found helpful.
    My kids first babysitter had her first kiss ever with her husband on their wedding day. My kids know this and she's a great role model for them! She's a very beautiful, intelligent girl who didn't marry until she graduated from college but she waited and so did her husband until they found each other.

    Answer by missanc at 9:35 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • We taught our children that sex was for marriage only. We taught them to guard their sexuality so that they could present it as a special gift to the person they chose to marry. They listened and they waited. We also had to constantly be telling them that we knew this would make them different, but that being different was a good thing and not a bad thing. If I had it to do over again, I would do it exactly the same way. Our children all got college educations and did not have to deal with all the excess baggage of premature sexual involvement. They would each tell you that they appreciate that they were raised to know that sex is only for the confines of marriage, and that's how they are raising my grandchildren, too. I am a very thankful woman!

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:52 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • You seem alot more conservative than me, but this is what I did. I had "the talk" with both my son and daughter, however sex has never been an off-limits topic in our house, I always wanted them to be comfortable with it so they would be more likely to talk w/us. My stance is you will have sex...most everyone does. Please make sure you care about the other person, and be respectful of each other. ALWAYS use condoms for pregnancy AND DISEASE protection!!! I will buy them for you, just tell me that you need more. You can't change or slow down what they're going to do, and as much as we parents want to think that we still have control, we are now just the spectators yelling what to do from the stands.

    Answer by helplessmom7 at 5:02 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • You talk to her openly and honestly. You answer ALL her questions without freaking out. You give her ALL the knowledge she will need. Then you hope she listens and waits. Knowledge about pregnancy, protection and STD's are needed. If you don't tell her, someone else will and it won't be accurate. You would be shocked at what is said in the halls of middle and high schools that are just untrue yet teens are believing.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 6:56 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

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