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Trusting your son......Part Deux!

Okay...Let's try this again....Guess i did not give enuff details in my last question....So, here goes!!!

I have a son who is 27 years old. And he continually lies to me or fabricates a story just so i won't get mad at him. But, i am really tired of the lies and the fact that his lies are beginning to affect our relationship and some of our financial decisions. But, he seems not to care and just continues with his lies and deceit.

How do i handle this situation?.....All he does is lie!...

Update: He is living with me and he is trying to find a place of his own. However, he continually lies about his finances, his credit and just lies in general. Like, if i ask him where he is going because i might be making dinner later...He lies!!!...So, there's the updated part!

So, do i cut him out of my life?...Or, just let it go?



Asked by Anonymous at 10:29 AM on Apr. 18, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Well I'm your son's age and my mother has helped me out in the past too. I did not live with her, but the things she helped me with financially I turned right around and made the mistakes again and she just said no more. And I was 18. But to answer your question, neither, you can still love him and show him love w/o putting your household at risk. Sounds like he's just a brat that needs to grow up and he will not do that as long as he's with you. I know you're probably at your wits end or wayyy past it already, but maybe help him get a place, not financially of course, but look for it.

    Answer by yesmaam at 10:33 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • He's a grown man. He knows how to say if he will be home for dinner and after 27 yrs he knows to tell you or he'll not get dinner. Let him make dinner. As for finances, I wouldn't tell my parents about mine either; however, since he's saving to get out I would give him a deadline on when I expect him out. That way you don't have to pry in to his financial matters. Setting boundaries is something that should have been done all along so I wouldn't punish him by writing him off since (no offense) you created this situation where he walks all over you. There are reasons men are compulsive liars but I'm not trained to know all the reasons. Therapy would be the only way of knowing that part but you can set boundaries now and stick to them. He won't like it but he has to respect it or then there are consequences.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:38 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • OMG, he is 27 years OLD. Cut the umbilical cord. His lying should NOT have any effect on you.

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 10:31 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I would cut the apron strings... give him a reasonable amount of time; say 2 months, to start contributing or he needs to go...

    Answer by NoRest4theWickd at 10:32 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • My take on 27 it's up to him to get his life in order. He sounds like he's taking advantage of you. I would sit him down & say "Look. I am tired of the lies. You are an adult. Act like it. If you can't respect me enough to tell me the truth about simple things then you need to find a new place to stay". Also, don't make dinner for him. Make dinner when you want. If he comes home late, he can heat it up. If its all gone, too bad. He can make himself a meal! My son is 20 & still lives here. If he misses dinner, he's on his own & he knows it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:34 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I have 3 sons ages 19, 21 & 28. I'd give him a deadline to move out, and I would stick to it whether he's gotten a job or not. Believe it or not, he will figure it out, or if he isn't ready to grow up, he may find someone else to take advantage of. I sure wouldn't cut him out of my life. He's your son, but you don't have to put up with the constant lying. Hopefully though, your love is unconditional, and I'm sure it is, I know how frustrating this can be.

    Make him stand on his own two feet. It may take awhile for him to do it, but the only way he will is if he has to. Good Luck mama!

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:42 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I agree with 'norest4thewicked'

    Answer by incarnita at 11:00 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • Sorry Mama, at his age you need to give him a boot out of the nest. As far as his lying is concerned, I'm sure he has always lied to you but you are probably more privy to it now! Give him a time frame and let him know he must be out by a certain time or you'll change the locks. Where is his money going? Are you certain he isn't abusing alcohol substances? Addicts lie about everything they can to cover their addiction. Good luck and stay strong!

    Answer by twinkletoes0408 at 11:39 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • Do your own thing. Cook for yourself or leave leftovers. Do not even think about what he is doing. If he does not contribute to the household finances give him a deadline to contribute or move out. Just my opinion.

    Answer by elizabr at 11:08 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I would give him one month to find a different place to live. When I was his age, I had a job, a car, three kids and a mortgage. He is not a child.

    Answer by lilangilyn at 2:35 PM on Apr. 20, 2011