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What would you DO?

My in laws both are retired and my mother in law just had like 6 months ago a new kidney she was in the hospital for 5 months so any ways she needs taking care of around the house and she now needs to use a walker and cant be left at home alone. So the other day my husbands step dad asked me if i wanted to start taking care of her for a few hr. a day and clean the house. I really dont want to but the extra money would be good. I have watched her before when her husband had to go to an apointment one time and didnt want to have to bring her. I just dont like it because my mother in law acts like she can still get around like before and goes out side wants to do every thing that she really cant. The last time I had to ask the neighbor to help me pick her up because she wanted to go out side and fell. She is a big women. I have to bring my two younget kids with me too. I just dont know how to say i dont want to. These people are the kind who dont know how to take no very nicely. They would get mad and argue with me over it. I dont want to deal with it ether. I just hate its always me they go to for this kind of stuff when i never see any of her (my sister/brother in laws) kids come over and help out or stay at her house to giver her a hand. I have kids too and mine are all younger who need me. My husband is at their house he cleans the yard and stuff you know the others dont do shit they come to visit and leave fast. What should i do just shut up and do it or say no i really dont want to or cant? What would you do?

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butterflies78

Asked by butterflies78 at 11:32 AM on Apr. 18, 2011 in Money & Work

Level 15 (2,301 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Have you talked to your husband about this since it's his mother? What does he say?
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 11:34 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • i agree talk to the husband. also keep in mind that your inlaws are used to doing everything on there own to to get or have help is almost like an insult they havent compleatly come to terms just yet. i worked with the elderly as sometimes it was hard cause they would swear they could do something on there own when u know they cant u just have to say i would love to be able to help you or i would never what to see you get hurt and sometimes they would take the help. if not i was told to let them try but to stay very close. also to lift heavey people i have a gate belt it really does help. but i also didnt have my kids with me and if i needed help someone was a button away. so i would talk to your husband and your father inlaw and just let them know it is hard when you have small kids to also takecare of. as for the other siblings they sound like jerks to me. and your FIL must see that...thats why hes coming to you.best of luck
    tabbys4

    Answer by tabbys4 at 11:41 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I agree I wouldn't want to and there are others who should be doing it before you. However they asked you. How often do you get to do something that really helps improve the lives of someone other than your immediate family? You have the opportunity to help someone who needs it. It would be a selfless act, set a good example for your children and I would do it. I hope you find what works for your family.
    mrs.coop

    Answer by mrs.coop at 11:46 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I agree that it can be hard to take help when you're used to doing for yourself but she also needs to understand that if you are giving up your time to help her, she has to let you. These situations are hard enough without unnecessary difficulty. If it's going to be very difficult, and it sounds like it is, maybe your husband can help you say no since it's his family.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 11:51 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • If i was in your shoes i would talk to my husband and tell him how i felt. Hopefully he would speak up for you. If that didn't work i would tell your father in law that you would love to help but you just can't do it by yourself plus with your young ones. When he started fussing with you, just say i love you, walk away and leave. Honestly i wouldn't be so nice about it if they wasn't being respectful to me and giving me a hard time about something that really isn't your responsibility. Your husband and your kids come first!
    lovemybabies470

    Answer by lovemybabies470 at 11:57 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I know what you mean, and definitely understand your concerns, but I would probably do it at least SOMETIMES. I'm kind of a softie and can be guilted into anything though. Maybe one or two days a week? Or offer to come in to handle the housework a couple days a week? Tell them outright that you don't think that you can physically manage her on your own, and that you are concerned that she would get hurt if there wasn't someone around that could help you since she is having a hard time admitting how her capabilities have changed (Very sad, and understandable, but all true). I am sure that seeing the kids would be good for her.

    Best of luck to you! I feel for everybody involved. I know you would probably feel bad if you didn't help out because she is your MIL, but it would definitely make your life more difficult. And I feel for her too...it would be awful to all of the sudden have to admit that you couldn't do for yourself.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 12:23 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • If you've already had a case of her falling, she probably needs more care than you are capable of giving. Tell them you can give SOME help but they NEED to hire a professional.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:30 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I second the need to hire the professional suggestion above. There are techniques you aren't trained in that would keep both you and your MIL from injuring yourselves. Just say that you believe her care is beyond what you can reasonably give.
    jmpj8107

    Answer by jmpj8107 at 2:23 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • It's my MIL, and she's my family. Of course I would take care of her - no questions asked.
    Fawn80

    Answer by Fawn80 at 2:49 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

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