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Would you expect a thank you note?

So my dear mother passed March 18th...Funeral was held March 22nd...I just got a phone call from my Aunt asking where the thank you note's were from the funeral...I was upset..If you just send a card with no gifts of money, food, I still need to send a thank you just for sending a card? My Aunt said I do because it's a way of saying thank you for thinking of us during our time of loss.....


Asked by girliemom0406 at 11:33 AM on Apr. 18, 2011 in Religious Debate

Level 24 (18,769 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (51)
  • No, they should have been sending the cards out of sympathy, and they shouldn't expect to get anything in return. That isn't the purpose of doing things for others, especially a simple card. And I'm sure there are things you are still dealing with. I'd leave it.

    Ps. Sorry for your loss

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 11:35 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • So in your time of loss your suppose to think of those things?  People should send cards because they care.  I can't see sending a card or a gift or anything and expecting something in return even a thankyou note. 


    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 11:36 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • Absolutely not. I have never expected a Thank You note for anything I have given for a funeral. In my opinion, flowers, cards, etc, are given to help and show that I care about the deceased and their family, not EVER with the expectation of anything in return, not even a Thank You note. That was incredibly rude of her.

    Answer by Eek_a_Geek at 11:39 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I'm sorry, but your Aunt is being a bitch. Your mother passed away for goodness sakes, you have a lot that you have to deal with besides just dealing with he passing (wich is hard enough in itself). Such as any financial matters left or how to deal with her property and belongings after she has passed. IMO you shouldn't have to send a thank you note at all. Thank you notes are for weddings and bridal/baby showers, not funerals. She should have sent her condolences and left it at that or checking in to see how you are doing, NOT demanding a thank you note.

    I'm sorry for your loss and the added stress of your aunt.

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 11:42 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • Don't worry about her. As long as you say thank you to her while she was there then you should be fine. I think it was more rude of her to complain to you than for you to not have sent a card.

    Answer by at 11:36 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I've never heard of such a thing. Why would anyone expect some who is grieving to thank everyone with cards?
    Sorry for your loss. It's been almost 6months since my mother unexpectedly passed.

    Answer by CrazyMommy87 at 11:36 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I don't think you need to give anyone a thank you note. Why would you send anyone a thank you note know when they are paying respects to a loved one.

    Answer by Eisleysmommy27 at 11:37 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I would think the proper etiquette for sending a thank you note is ONLY if they send flowers, gifts, fruit baskets, etc. If someone sends a card there is no way you should respond with a thank you card!

    Answer by twinkletoes0408 at 11:37 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I have never received, nor would I expect a thank you card from a funeral...even if I sent money!

    Answer by MynTop at 11:41 AM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • IMO, no you don't have to unless you want to do so. They should be sent for gifts or acts of kindness or help with the services though.

    I found this too:

    Robin Thompson, owner of Etiquette Network and the Robin Thompson Charm School, says, "You do not have to send a thank-you or an acknowledgment card if someone just sent a sympathy card, but you always can if you want to." Anything extra, however, should be acknowledged in writing. "I've noticed sometimes people send a sympathy card, and inside they enclose an old photo of the deceased when they were young, then yes, I think you should acknowledge those things. But just for a sympathy card or even someone who attended the visitation, you don't really need to do anything."

    Answer by pam19 at 11:43 AM on Apr. 18, 2011