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Surviving cheating?

DH cheated on me. We are seperated, but I dont beleive in divorce. I want us to have some space and hopefully get past this. Anyone still with their spouse after he cheated ( or you cheated)? Do you have any advice?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:56 AM on Dec. 2, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Yes, I am still with my husband and he cheated on me with a lady from his work. This was several years ago and it took sometime to get past it, but we did with a lot of prayer and patience. Every marriage has trouble, but ultimately if you are going to stay, you have to forgive him (as well as everyone else that knows and supports you). I don't believe in divorce either, and we aren't the yelling/screaming type of people. Distance your self if need be, but if you can get past this, your marriage will probably be stronger.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:13 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • Mine did. We separated, got back together after he swore he learned his lesson and his family was more important to him that any POA. Of course he did it again, same scenario, then again and again. Some men don't know how to be faithful. I divorced him. Best thing I ever did for myself and my kids. Of course he calimed that he learned his lesson, funny thing is I know for a fact he cheated on his new GF less than two months into it when they were supposedly exclusive. I don't feel it's my place to tell her though, she will figure it out when the money is gone and he has nothing to show for it or when he comes home with interesting scratches or an STD. Good luck to her!
    Geminus

    Answer by Geminus at 11:36 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • JUST A THOUGHT:  In your vows it says to forsake all others and to stick with each other through the good and the bad.  So he can break the rules but you cannot?  As far as I see it when a man or woman cheats or breaks any of the other vows then said vows become null and void therefore you can pick up whatever dignity and self respect you still have left and move on with your life because he obviously didn't take those vows as seriously as you did.  You don't believe in divorce?  C'mon, no one believes in divorce, but it happens and the main reason for it is INFIDELITY!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:41 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • Thanks for the people who responded. I am sorry your marriage didnt work out Geminus. And to the last Anon: I didnt ask to be judged. I am doing what I feel is best, who are you to judge me? I have plenty of dignity and self respect. But what I have thatr you seem to be lacking is compassion and understanding. I know people make mistakes. My husband made one and he is remorseful. I also made a promise in my marriage vows, for beter or worse. We are in a low point right now. But we will get through it. Who are you to judge me?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:49 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • my husbend cheated on me with some girl at a bar.and i was so hurt and that was 2 years ago.i'm still with him but i think about it all the time and i even have dreams were i can see whats going on and i wake up crying but were wroking on it.but i will never foregive him for it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:55 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • To those of us who don't believe in divorce, I commend you for staying with your spouses, even though biblically you have the right to divorce. I was serious when I took my vows, as was my husband. And he has not done it since then, not saying he hasn't wanted to, but he hasn't that I am aware of. No one has the right to judge, He who is without sin cast the first stone.

    No one is perfect and it takes a lot of compassion and faith to jump this hurdle.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:13 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • My husband cheated on my before we got married (we were engaged) and I found out about it about 6 months after we were married. I was devistated. I don't think that I would have married him had I known about it beforehand. However, I did marry him and I took those vows (I also do not believe in divorce). I has been very very hard to work through it, but we have. We have been married for 5 years now. Sometimes I still think about it and it still hurts but a lot of it comes with you being able to forgive him. I believe that you can forgive and the forgetting may take awhile.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:39 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • I cheated on my husband this year. It was the first time I've ever done that to him, but not the first time I've ever cheated before. We've been married for years and years. It's been a very difficult thing for both of us to go through. It kills me that I was so weak and that I broke his heart and destroyed my reputation with our families. It's kills him that I thought about leaving him because I couldn't face the guilt that came along with it.

    We've worked so hard to get past this. Sometimes we still talk about it if one of us needs to because it's not just something that goes away.Sometimes he's needs reassurance that I love him and I'll never do that again. Sometimes I need reassurance that he still loves me and forgives me.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:24 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • But our marriage is the most important thing we've got. Each other. Without each other I think we wouldn't feel complete. So yes, it's been a killer...but we've made it past that. We will continue to work out all the things that come up in our marriage because vows aside, this is the man, and I am his woman, that we want to be with for the rest of our lives. We all make mistakes and he admitted that there were times that he's been tempted to do the same thing. He didn't act on it but he says it could have just as easily been him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:24 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • I am still with my SO after I cheated on him. It was in the beginning of our relationship and over 2 ears ago. I just now had the courage to tell him though. He was wonderful enough to give me another chance. We both love eachother very much and felt that we are strong enough to make it through this. It has been about a year now since the truth came out and things honestly couldn't be more perfect between he and I. He regained trust in me and I fully trust him. It took some work on both our parts but we are still together and going strong.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:41 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

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