• In the Spotlight:
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

how would you approach this with SO

me and my hubby got together when we were both in the military. he was not very emotional back then and to be fair, he did warn me early on thats how he is. years later...he tells me he loves me and its not bad to me, but when it comes down to emotions..he just doesnt express himself that much, as he puts it "men dont do that" he's absorbed into his video games and sometimes just seems to forget as his wife, i need that emotion and romance. last night i wanted some attention/emotion and i grabbed him up from playing world of warcraft and gave him kisses etc. and i said "you mean the world to me" i was kinda expecting a nice response..instead he said "thats a nice thing ot say" then a few min. later he got sick of me hugging him and said "can you please let me go now"

Answer Question
 
moki1984

Asked by moki1984 at 11:00 AM on Dec. 2, 2008 in Relationships

Level 11 (573 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • CONT.
    it really hurt e and i went into the back and cried a lil, then fell asleep. i wonder if im asking too much of him...or if he doesnt give enough. i mean do all women feel this? is every marraige like this? do you cry at least once a week cause you feel emotionally/spiritually neglected a lil? he never goes outof hiw way to do really romantic or sweet things...i guess ive accepted that, but sometimes i want him to grab me out of no where and say you are my world or im soo in love iwht you hunny. and honestly although i play world of wacraft too...im really wanting to break all of his video games cause they take up more time than we do
    moki1984

    Answer by moki1984 at 11:01 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • He sounds like he's not ready for an adult relationship. I would find somebody who is.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:06 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • I feel for you but, You knew what type of person he was when you got together.Because he told you. You found out he hasn't changed. I guess you thought he was going to though.


    You need to decide, can live with his lack of emotions or not.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 11:10 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • I hate to say this but you knew he was unemotional from day one...Big Red Flag and now it is waving..... All men are not like him...trust me my SO can talk...
    He is who he is...but he does know that he is like he is...would he consider talking to someone..someone who can help him open up....I think that if he does not give you what you need the marriage will be doomed...I am sorry...I would ask him if he wants to learn how to open up and try to work it from there..
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 11:10 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • Let him know how unhappy you are and see if he can compromise.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 11:14 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • OP, I am in EXACTLY that type of relationship. I knew what his limitations were when I married him but i didn't expect to miss the affection as much as I do. What I will tell you is that he is mellowing with age and trying to the best of his ability. He'll reach over and pat my leg while he's driving...while that's not the bear hug I'd want from him, I've learned that's a BIG thing for him. Relish the little things...and when he does them reward him with your smile and your warmth. He'll learn.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:30 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • You went into the relationship with knowledge, but that doesn't mean he can't learn to compromise too... this whole time you've held back and wanted more. Sit down with him and find some middle ground... work it out rather than forcing it on him. Let him know you understand how he feels and are trying to accommodate, but you need the same consideration. My hubby is very affectionate and emotional (oversensitive at times). It's an excuse to continue to not be vulnerable rather than a genetic defect. Perhaps if you could find a way to laugh together alot... interaction not just movie-watching... that might break the barrier a bit.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 12:42 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • i think he needs to find what love and joy really mean and he will change in time but i don't think sitting at home or playing games is helping much with that. i'm your husband and my husband is you. my hubby is the sweet talker and i'm the one that is can you move out of my way of the tv. this is just what he learned growing up. it's hard to change and i have noticed this about me. so what i have done to change or keep changing is doing it myself. doing small things like you did, hugging more inspite of how uncomfortable that makes me feel and saying i love you more. it's hard to step out your norm but i would ask him to try. he is already aware of his behavior. tell him how much it hurts. there are lot of simple things you can do but it sure takes time. he will never fully change completely but he will recognize when you need it the most. you can change him but he can.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 12:54 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • i meant you can't change him but he can change. he just has to be conscience of it most of the time. you can remind him you need more. he asked you to accept him but tell him you do but this what you need. i'm sure he loves you and would be willing to try
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 12:56 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • i know he does love me and our daughter. but its hard for him...and he does complain sometimes to me that when he gives an inch..i dont notice. i suppose in jthe beginning i knew it wuld be hard but i thought after a few years it would be more than it is. has he improved at all? yes....but the steps are so small i get really frustrated. i really changed for him. i went from being this party girl/hardass army girl, big social butterfly etc. to a sahm, i never cooked before him and now im miss. homemade pie's etc. i dont party at all anymore (i was never into drugs or anythign but i loved the clubs) i really dedicate my life to our family..and i en joy it, i love it..i would never go ack to my old lifestyle...
    moki1984

    Answer by moki1984 at 1:17 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.