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How can I help My 15 y.o. daughter who is stealing & using drug

She has been in therapy (outpatient) on and off for the past year . She overdoesed on pills this past aug. (you'de think that was enough to scare her) When she was released from the hosp. she was on house arrest no cell, no computer no social life. we thought she was clean of pills but we new she was still smoking. (that was supposed to come with time.) At the suggestion of her therapist we gave her freedom back after 1 month but with a cerfew. We thought she was doing ok. Then On Thanksgiving. She stole a ( 500.00 ipod) from my sons future inlaws which she admitted after being confronted. we got it back, and gave it back faced with the humiliation and imbarressment of our daughters actions. My husband distroyed her cell phone & she is back on "house arrest I am taking her to face up to the consequences and apologize. But she is in that"ME world. Selfish, selfcentered, only caring about her friends! Help?

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:11 AM on Dec. 2, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (16)
  • If she is using drugs again, I think I would be looking into a residential treatment program at this point. You are running out of time where she is a minor and you still have some amount of control here. Seems like it's time to pull out all the stops. Good luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:19 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • Well first thing I would do is take every thing away from her.Her bedroom would only have a bed dresser and her cloths in it. I would take the door off her bdrm. so she wouldn't have any privacy If she keeps on stealing i would call the cops on her.

    Make her go to rehab. and counseling


    Answer by louise2 at 11:20 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • honestly my brother was stealing, addicted to drugs (coke, but did many others) and alcohol... from the time he was around 18 and he just is about to turn thirty and is finally clean. he's truely lucky to be alive. This isn't the advice your looking for, but going through that i've learned you can't force someone to change. You can lead a horse to water but can't make it drink. When your daughter is ready to be clean that is the ONLY way she will clean up her act. You need to love her unconditionally and you need to PRAY for her. It will be very very hard for her and ROUGH and ROCKY BATTLE. my brother was facing time in prison for stealing and forging my brothers checks.. they let him off on probabtion. he had to COMPLETELY change friends.So there's one thing you can start with. Change her schools move citys don't let her around people that steal and do drugs also.

    Answer by krazyash023 at 11:26 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • My brother was clean many times but everytime he hung back out with his old group he got back into it again. thats the things with addicts..they don't want whats better for their friends they want them to struggle and be addicted WITH them. The only thing my brother never tried was a rehab house. he did out patient, AA, alot of things. I don't know if that would work or not.. have you tried talking to her asking why she does drugs and these things?? i hope for the best for you and your daughter. I know hwo hard it was and much i cried for my brother as a SISTER. i couldn't IMAGINE being a mother.

    Answer by krazyash023 at 11:26 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • I agree with Louise. She has proven that she cannot be trusted. I think a residential treatment program would be good as well. Do it while she is young. I would also get a new counselor. You don't give total freedom back after a month and expect her to take it all in stride. You have to do everything in moderation. Cell phone back first then something else a few weeks later and so on. It's not her court, you don't have to give her back the ball until you are ready. Some kids don't do well with all the privilages and responsibilities they have, some have to take it slower.

    Answer by Geminus at 11:28 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • I am so sorry that you have a wild child. i think she needs to relocate.. but it may take her many years to get clean. my brother is similar to your daughter.

    Answer by charisma10 at 11:41 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • Okay I don't have teenagers but I remember being one very well. When I was 15 I was a monster.
    First off therapy is a crock of sh*t. All this is going to do is make her think there is something mentally wrong with her. This will cause her to always play the victim and not take responsibility for her actions because she is in her mind sick and it’s not her fault. Plus do you really want someone you don’t know filling her head with things?
    House arrest never worked on me it made me more angry with my parents and I caused me to lie and cheat my way out of the house and when I was out I made it my mission to do things to tick off my parents.(once you know you no longer have the trust and respect from your parents you don’t care about disappointing them anymore) Also I did less in school because it was the only time I had freedom.

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    Answer by KittyCalais at 12:04 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • My parents fix was just dumb luck. My father got a job transfer to a little town 5h away from the city I grew up in. Nothing is more humbling then being the new kid in school. If she is really out of control I would recommend moving. She will have no friends and be the odd kid out for a wile; she will bond closer to you and your husband because she has no one else to talk to.
    My parents were active members in a local club and they had me join with them to get out of the house. This allowed me to hang out with my folks as friends and see them as people not just disciplinarians.
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    Answer by KittyCalais at 12:04 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • I did something pretty bad the first week we moved (I hitched hiked back to the city) My folks made me volunteer at a home for disabled children. This worked very very very well. It showed me that I had a pretty good life and I was lucky. The children looked up to me and respected me and it made me want to become a better person and live up to how the children saw me. It also made me feel like an adult being treated like an adult by the children, other volunteers and workers, so begin to act like one.
    As for the i-pod I would let your son handle that one with her. Right now holds more clout with her then you do and she may even feel bad about it if her big brother yells at her a bit. Also don’t be scared to give your daughter the back of you hand now and again. I remember all 4 times my mother hit me. No matter what the bleeding heart liberals yack about hitting your kids. It sure worked on me.

    Good luck.

    Answer by KittyCalais at 12:04 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • I'll keep her in prayer. God knows here well though I don't know her name. :) I put my son in boot camp (young marines). I heard 80% of them were crying after the first day of the 5 day. Eo you have any spiritual beliefs...try your church counseling. I would say no she can't go out with her friends until she can be trusted.

    Answer by JCRestoredme at 1:03 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

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