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6 Bumps

How do I tell my DH I'm not attracted to him because of his weight?

We have been together for 3 1/2 yrs, he loves to eat an unhealthy amount of food. He's gained about 50lbs and I'm starting to hate it. He's overweight, he's only 5ft 6in and weighs a little over 200lbs. I've gained weight too, I'm 5ft 4in and weighed 119 when we met, I went up to 137 but now I'm down to 125 and losing. He liked that I gained weight but I didn't. He's fine that I'm losing too tho. I've spoken to him about his eating and tried to get him active and excited to work on his body a little mostly for his health, but he doesn't stick to it for more than a week. Now I'm finding myself not attracted to a man that just eats and sits back for hours snacking. I love him but I'm not sexually attracted anymore. I worry about his health big time. He eats like a pig when he sits for a meal. Then he snacks alot too. I don't want to hurt his feelings but Its not ok


Asked by ProudMammaMia at 1:38 PM on Apr. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,619 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (33)
  • I agree with the above anon. Tell him you're concerned for his health. Try to keep him motivated to continue working on eating healthy and staying active, in a way that is beneficial to him. Do something active that HE likes. So, if you like to go to the gym, and he doesn't, maybe go play a sport or something he likes with him. Also, sex is good exercise. You could be shooting yourself in the foot with not having it ; )

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 1:45 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • You don't. You tell him you are worried about his health, and suggest he eat better to have a better/longer life, but you don't tell him you aren't attracted to him because he gained weight. He is your HUSBAND. If his body is all that attracts you to him there are other issues that need to be addressed. And what if you gained a few pounds and he told you he was no longer attracted to you?

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • Instead of saying anything about his weight, I would say something about "health" in general, being very important. Don't allow snack foods or sweets in the house. Suggest walks or playing outside. Make it a family thing.

    I wouldn't be so sure that the loss of attraction is due to the weight. He could be 50 pounds thinner, and you still may not be attracted. Attraction in a marriage often comes and goes, and that is normal.

    Good luck!

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 1:42 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • Don't buy food you don't want him to eat. Start a activity that both of you can do together. Just tell him you need him to do it with you. Be loving in how you point things out. Tell him you want to grow old together and want to see your grandkids grow up, and be able to do things with them.
    Fill the home with good snacks and have the fruit cut up for him. Don't give up!

    Answer by gammie at 1:44 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • SO & I both have put on some lbs since we've been together. But, neither of us has lost our attraction to each other. I fell in love with WAY more than just his body. I feel that is rather judgemental. My ex married me at 95 lbs & the minute I weighed 96, he told me I was an obese cow & continued for 20 years till I finally divorced him. Extreme, yeah. But, that's what he did to me. So, I will NEVER judge anyone by their weight. Especially the man I'm in love with.

    Answer by specialwingz at 1:44 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • Vbruno is right...attraction comes and goes in a marriage. Sometimes it's a physcial thing, sometimes it's emotion. It's normal and it teaches us to kick start our marriage again. Complacent is NOT good in a marriage. But when you cook, make sure it's healthy, quit buying snacks. And tell him that one of you has to care about his health, because he is a walking heart attack. Best of luck

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 1:45 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I dont think you can get around hurting his feelings. You need to be straight forward about it, tell him nicely that you simply are unattracted to him with all this new weight. Express your concern about his health & how you think it may affect the child(ren) b/c it can/will. What comes next is up to him, this simply may be what he needs to get him going. On the other hand he may get upset & get worse at the eating thing & become depressed. If things go sour & get bad then you may need to explore the option of both seeing someone to help you through this rough patch. But step #1 is to tell him then see how he takes it. Hope all works out with you two.

    Answer by Mel30248 at 1:43 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • Ouch, I know the feeling though it happened to me w/my ex, but there were other reasons why he's the ex, BIG reasons. It has to be constructive criticism, if not I think it would just make him eat more.

    Answer by yesmaam at 1:43 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • Unless you want a divorce. You never tell him that. You try to get him to feel better about himself. By geting him back in shape.

    Answer by louise2 at 1:52 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • From your responses, it sounds more like you aren't attracted because he doesn't take care of himself, not necessarily the weight?
    You said he won't stay in the yard, did you mean to play with your daughter? What about sublte ways of getting him active, like tag with you and your daughter, or red light/green light, and go from there. Could you make less dinner so he can't have 3 or 4 servings? Have you expressed your concern about his health in relation to strokes, heart disease, diabetes, etc? Told him you are concerned for his well being and want him to be around to watch your dd grow up?

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 6:05 PM on Apr. 18, 2011