Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Marriage counseling

What do you talk about? I don't want to go in and start bashing each other I just feel like my husband and I are having a hrd tie communitcating right now and we need this. He's agreed to go but everytime I bring it up he says "how serious it is and it (counseling) could end badly and it could be the end of our marriage". It's making me angry that he's thinking of the whole thing like that, why even bother going !? It was actually HIS idea. How does it work?! I've never been to any type of counsling before.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:44 PM on Apr. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • I went once and it was a what does he/she do that bothers you and how can you fix it session. I find that it I make a list of things that are bothering me and my husband makes one, we can talk about one topic each day and tried to figure out a way that both of us end up happy. Sometimes good to have a mediator,but then sometimes it does cause more harm. One on one session can be helpful if you find a person who can help you find ways to solve problems and not just keep asking you how that makes you fee. I had a man who told me I was being reactive to my husbands comments in a negative way. He told me to hear him and think about it before speaking, even if it meant an hour or a day. I always let my husband know in the nicest way possible that I'm upset with something. Never say YOU make me.... it's too defensive. Rather say I feel this when when this happens.
    TwinkleLites

    Answer by TwinkleLites at 2:49 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • When I went, we first saw the counselor separately. That way we were able to bring up issues that we would not feel comfortable bringing up in front of the other person, and the counselor has an idea of what your relationship needs work on. Then our counselor would ask us questions, like when she does this what do you do? What does he do that upsets you, etc....I really enjoyed counseling because it helped me realize things I needed to work on and it helped me see things from my husbands point of view. In the end we ended up divorced, but honestly, I feel like its because my ex didn't care. He would say one thing in counseling then we'd walk out and he'd make fun of the counselor. It isn't going to work unless you both want it to and try to make it work. :)

    soccerchik8287

    Answer by soccerchik8287 at 2:53 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • We went to a counselor after a big fight involving his family. I was so mad at him. We went and while we did get upset, we never bashed each other. I think it was a lot of help. Basically a mediator. Someone that keeps things moving along and helps us see each other's point of view. I loved it.
    eluc

    Answer by eluc at 3:04 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • usually the counselor asks "what made you pick up the phone and call me"
    thats when you must be ready for an answer and point out the biggest problem, which i think you said was communication.
    the rest of the time, the counselor will ask each of you questions, like the miracle question: if you could have a miracle happen to you, what would it be and how would it effect your life differently than how your life is now?
    questions like this will arise and you and your husband will talk and work out ways to reach these goals...and when it heats up (which it probably will) the counselor will intervene and calm you both down. after typically about 10 sessions, many issues will be resolved. it works, just gotta have hope in it, and be patient. also, you must do your "homework" outside of the session in order to apply what you learned in session to your daily life, so that the change you want to see will actually happen. GL
    Liz4Life

    Answer by Liz4Life at 4:45 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • i'm currently not married yet but when i do get married if we need help i would seek it in order to keep our relationship together
    Chunky_Dynamic

    Answer by Chunky_Dynamic at 12:13 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
Uh im sooo adult content

Next question overall (Just for Fun)
Best time of day? Nap time?