Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

5 Bumps

I do not like or trust my DIL. Help please.

My son got married last Sept. There was a minor incident at the wedding that upset the bride. She blames him but it was out of his control. On the honeymoon she announces she doesn't want his children tho she knows he is ready to be a father. Then she cheats on him.

Through all this my son has tried to be patient and loving as she has some emotional issues. Finally he decided to file for divorce when he could not take any more. Then she announced she was pregnant. I questioned who the father was and I am sure that has gone through my son's mind too. But he is so blindly in love with this woman that he took her back and is now trying to build a life with her.

She has hurt him, humiliated him, driven him to an emotional breakdown, threatened suicide and much more besides.

I cannot be rational. I don't know what to tell him. I am VERY upset. I do not like her at all and I do not trust her an inch! Ideas and suggestions all welcome as I do not want to become a grandmother under these circumstances!

My husband and I will not be a part of the child's life - she has made that abundantly clear!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:49 PM on Apr. 18, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • DIL from hell so it seems. So sorry to hear! Paternity test is a must! You have rights as grandparents to have visitation with a grandchild as long as you aren't doing anything improper. Which also means you can't badmouth this loser in front of the child. I know when my girls dated boys I couldn't stand it was only a matter of time before they finally seen the light and walked away. If you son doens't have enough confidence in himself to find another good woman, then help build it so he will realize this one is not good. Your comments will fall n deaf ears when someone is acting blindly in love. I tried sharing my thoughts and it just made my girls more attached to the guy, so let them be hurt and find the right way. Good luck and I'm praying it works out for you all!
    TwinkleLites

    Answer by TwinkleLites at 4:59 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I am so sorry. But I think until he sees the light there isn't much you can do. He has to figure this out for himself no matter how painful it is for you. hug
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 4:55 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • are you 100% certain she is pregnant and its not a manipulation issue?

    if she is preg and it turns out it IS your sons, your son of course will have some visitation. And you'll just have to see the child on his visits w/ the baby.

    Does she have verifiable emotional issues ? I'd find a lawyer to assist in getting a psych eval done of her. Perhaps your son can end up w/ primary custody
    hibbingmom

    Answer by hibbingmom at 4:56 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • It's up to him to decide what to do. What I do think is messed up is punishing a child becasue you dislike his/her mother. How would you feel if a DNA test was done and the baby was your grandbaby? There is no going back to those days you rejected the baby.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 4:58 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I will give you the same advice that I have been given lately, love HIM and be there for HIM no matter his decision.
    brypmom

    Answer by brypmom at 5:00 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • OH - has she delivered yet? is she nearing the end of the pregnancy? I'd encourage your son to try and make things good right now..... send her flowers. give her a gift certificate for a pedicure or a pregnancy massage. anything and everything possible to increase the chances your son will end up being invited to the birth...... and hopefully having his name on the birth certificate.

    hibbingmom

    Answer by hibbingmom at 5:00 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I am so very sorry Anon., I hope that vent helped because that is about all you can do about crazy people. I hope your poor son will be able to move on without her and find happiness somewhere else. It is true that it does not matter how old are children are, if they are in pain so are we. You will be in my thoughts.
    ochsamom

    Answer by ochsamom at 5:01 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • So sorry to hear about this! I definitely agree to the paternity test, but even if not, he can still get his name on the birth certificate. (courts see this alot!) He can also divorce her after the baby is born and sue for full custody. If he can proove she is unstable...
    I might catch some flak about the comment, "even if not..." but why subject an innocent child to the tantrums of this woman?
    Cristi1004

    Answer by Cristi1004 at 8:25 PM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • We have a similar case her with my daughter but she isn't married or pg. The guy is a creep and she finally broke it off after she found he had been cheating on her. Then she turned around and bailed his ass out of jail. I have been so afraid she will go back to him because she is texting him again. I'm praying he will go to jail. She wants to live her life and there really is nothing you can do. I know, it's hard
    itsmesteph11

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 8:35 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • ID HAVE HER TAKE A PREGNANCY TEST RIGHT A AWY AND MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH A OBGYN DOCT. ALL YOU CAN DO IS BE THERE FOR HIM. EVENTUALLY HE WILL SEE WHAT YOUVE BEEN SEEING. IF YOU PUT HER DOWN TOO MUCH THAT WILL MAKE HIM STAY WITH HER LONGER BECAUSE HE WONT WANT TO ADMIT HE MADE A MISTAKE. GOOD LUCK
    stressedoutgran

    Answer by stressedoutgran at 1:46 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN