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House rules for a college daughter?

I have a 19 yr old daughter just finishing her first her of college. Her college was only an hr and a half away and so she came home most week-ends. She made friends with 3-4 girls on her dorm room floor. They all appear to be hard studying and non drinking. Back here at home she still hangs out with 3 girls that she went to high school with. They are all going to our 2 yr college in town, not getting good grades, drinking and partying most nights. We are a totally non drinking family. Teetotalers. I have many cases of alcoholism in my family. I don't really know how to handle these friends of my daughters. What we have basically told my daughter (who will be working a part time job this summer) that she can not stay out all night and she can not drink and live here. I have told her that her curfew is what it was when she graduated from high school last year and that is 1 am. To try and keep her away from all the all night drinking parties these other girls go to we have told her no to so called "sleepovers". We did tell her if she really honestly wants to have a old fashioned girls sleepover she can ALWAYS have them here.
No other parents have these rules however, all of their daughers are allowed to be out all night and sleep anywhere they want. She tells us she is the ONLY one that has to leave at 1 am and come home. No one else does. I would like some of your other mothers opinions on my house rules?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:30 PM on Apr. 18, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (8)
  • I think you need to ease up on her. When she's off at school she's making decisions,right or wrong,and will do so while at your house as well. I'd say 1am or don't return until the sun comes up and no drinking in the house. You have to trust her to make the right decisions on her own
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 5:35 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • If she is living in your house. Your house your rules or she finds somewhere else to live. She is grown, she can do as she pleases. In the end.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 5:36 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • Yours are very similar to my rules. My boys are 19, 21 & 28. They younger two are in college, and live at home. The rules are that underage drinking is not allowed period. Drinking and driving, or getting in a car are not allowed. They have an 11:30 curfew on weekdays, and a 12:45 curfew on the weekends....we want them home before the bars close and there are more drunk drivers on the road. I do let them spend the night with friends, but they must let us know by 10pm.

    Yes, they are adults according to the law, but until they have their own places, and pay their own bills, we have the right to make rules we are comfortable with....and by the way....we're not the only parents with rules, you'll find that the parents rules are different with the kind of friends they choose to hang out with, they have had some friends who had no rules, and others who were even stricter than we are.

    Good Luck Mom!
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 5:37 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I remember having this same problem when I came home for weekends from college. My mom still expected me in by 11pm...which was my curfew in highschool. So, she changed it to 1am and I was happier then. However...I ended up landing a bartending job making major money so I never got home until 3am b/c we had to clean the bar before locking up for the night.
    MommyH2

    Answer by MommyH2 at 5:49 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • i agree because i have an 18yr old daughter and my house rules are a bit similiar to yours
    babygurl445

    Answer by babygurl445 at 7:51 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • My son attends the local college here so he still lives at home. Rules aren't that much different from when he was in high school. Curfew (though it is now 1 am vs. 11 pm when he was in hs), no underage drinking, no drugs, school/grades and work must remain a priority, still expected to help around the house, pays for his own stuff (clothes, car, gas, insurance, cell phone, etc.).

    If it's any consolation, I seem to be the only parent around here with rules. DS doesn't complain (too much) because that's always been the case and he grew up with rules and boundaries. Truth is, anything he can do after curfew he can certainly do before curfew. Abiding by the rules is a sign of respect. He understands that. If that were to change, he would have to live elsewhere and support himself. He understands that too. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:30 AM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • I have rules like that! Nothing I hate more than kids coming banging in the house at 2-3 in the morning. No drugs, no alcohol and no boy/girlfriends staying over.
    itsmesteph11

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 8:31 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • My dad told me when I turned 18 and then again when I turned 21, "You are free and over 18 & 21.(respectively) If you find yourself in a bad spot, call me and if I can't come get you, call a cab and then call me back. I'll pay for it. But if you get your butt thrown in jail, you are on your own! So act accordingly." The 2 times I did find myself in a bad situation, he did come and get me, a short lecture and then it was dropped.
    Cristi1004

    Answer by Cristi1004 at 9:58 PM on Apr. 24, 2011

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