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3 Bumps

Am I wrong in being a lesbian? Is there a way to change my family's minds?

I am a mother of 3 and got out of an abusive marriage a year ago, I'm 22 and had been married since I was 16. More his and my parents choice than mine because it's 'just what people do'. I wasn't pregnant but any way I don't regret it, I have my beautiful children and it helped me figure out who I was. He was mentally and physically abusive and I realized I shouldn't take this anymore so I left. My parents were outraged but finally accepted it. About 6 months ago I was photographing a model for a wedding shoot and I thought she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. I've never had any sort of inclination towards being a lesbian before but she made my heart beat in a way I'd never felt before. After the shoot while I was packing up we got talking and I think I've never giggled that much in my life. We met up a few times before she revealed she was a lesbian and I said "that's fine" and my mind started wondering whether I was or not... Well 4 months ago we kissed and it went from there. I haven't introduced her to my children and would never unless it got serious...

So it spilled out recently when my parents saw us in a restaurant and they've literally told me to get out of town and take my children with me. They say the only reason I'm feeling this way is because I was in an abusive relationship. They've told me to stop going near her but it's hard, really hard and I don't want to lie about her. She's the second best thing in my life after my children and she's helped me get my life sorted and has helped me so much, sometimes I wonder why someone like that is with me. I don't know, I'm so confused. I was christian, now I'm not, I feel sick with myself some days but others I just feel so overwhelmingly happy... Any advice?

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:56 PM on Apr. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Follow your heart and hopefully your parents will come to understand this is your life, your choice and even if they do not accept they can atleast be happy that you are happy.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 5:58 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • If it makes you happy, be happy. They will either accept it or won't but it isn't their life to live, it's YOURS.

    Answer by Marix3 at 6:02 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I've always been taught by my church to love no matter what. Your a human being and you deserve nothing but love and compassion.

    Answer by MarGeee at 6:06 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • Your family is harsh and judgmental and THAT is a sin! If there's anything that's clear in the Bible, it's that God loves you! Personally, I don't condone a homosexual lifestyle, but I believe that's something you need to figure out between you and God and not do what you're going to do because of me or your family or anyone else. I'm sorry your family is so hard on you! They need to get a life!

    Answer by Adelicious at 6:13 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • sweetie there is nothing wrong about love, not matter if it is in a heterosexual or homosexual relationship. Many people look down on any relationship that is homosexual because of religion or their own ignorance. Follow your heart! if you are happy that is what matters. Sometimes it takes a bad relationship to show you the way to what is right for you. Your parents will eventually come around and except you for you. GL hun. and don't be afraid to love and be loved!

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:16 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • If you are in love with someone who is honest, loving, and enhances you life, then people who love you should be happy for you.

    I am sorry you are being treated like that mama!


    Answer by ImaginationMama at 6:18 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • well wow thats a big eye opener for you parents,but you know they didnt live with you and the guy you were with they didnt see probley the nights he stayed up tormenting you and screameing at you and makeing you feel like the size of an ant and you haveing to protect your kids i know ive been there too. is this women makes you feel like jumping for joy that hey i think its great and i know alot of lod school parents have taught us that it wasnt right to be with you know two girls or to guys well its a whole new world since our parents were born and you have to just work it in slowly with your childeren you know let thewm know this is your choice and this is what you want and you will never stop loveing your babies .but also as they grow up let them know not to be afraid of makeing the better choices too and not be found someone that loves you and your kids now you can be at peace much love and peace from dawn.

    Answer by sunshine961 at 6:55 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • Okay...wait. Your parents convinced you to get married at 16, (you weren't even pregnant) then they were outraged at your divorce, even though you were being abused...and now because you confess something to them, they tell you to get out of town and take your kids with you?

    The problem is your family. There's a serious, very very serious problem with them. You're fine. You do what makes you happy and fufilled. You don't let anyone tell you that loving someone is wrong. Two consenting adults, two adults not attached to other people, loving each other is not wrong.

    Be happy.

    Answer by Saya at 7:02 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • NO WAY!!!!! YOUR A WONDERFUL PERSON! thats who YOU ARE! lesbian, straight, pok-a-dot, striped, tall, or short, you are a Mommy and a Partner to Someone who Loves YOU for whoever it is that YOU are! To Hell with one-sided people who are too SCARED of anything different! You don't want people in your life who just want to bring you to their LOW LEVEL.... My VERY BEST Friend is a lesbian and I grew up around gay people my WHOLE life.. in fact the first REAL(actually together comfortably) couple i ever knew of, was Ron and Kevin... they loved me and i loved(and still love) them(they have been together for 30+ years) fact, until i was about 14 every straight couple i knew were divorced... that says enough for me.... I am pregnant with my First child and I want my Best Friend there more than anybody else(well my mom is super awesome too, Ron & Kevin are her best friends) ...YOU ARE PERFECT JUST THE WAY YOU ARE MOMMA!!!!!!!!!!!

    Answer by jayme009 at 9:54 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • if you want to get away, get away. But that's because YOU want to. Don't let your parents or other tell you what to do. listen to your heart, and do it. your parents aren't always going to be there for you, specially in the romantic way. So why should you listen to them? they are happy with their marriage, so they should allow you to be happy with whoever they want. Either or, they will have to accept it, if they want you and their grand kids around. Never think you are not worthy or doing wrong. Being happy is all that matter. And love is hard to find either straight or gay, bi, ect... finding someone who loves YOU is all that matters.

    Answer by ms.grumppy at 3:47 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

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